一人字幕组出品
好吧，各位可以看的出来，不要觉得太奇怪 All right, so here's how you can tell, in order of weirdness,
这是个梦境 that this is a dream.
首先，我在做爱 First off, I'm having sex.
第二，我躺在心型的红色橡胶床垫上 Second, I'm on a heart-shaped bed with red rubber sheets.
真爽 Nice.
那是烧杯吗？ Are those beakers?
没错，我在上化学课 Yep, I'm in my chemistry class.
这是第三点 That's third.
这女人非常完美 And this woman is just perfect.
我是说，看看她 I mean, look at her.
那双眼睛，那对嘴唇... Those eyes...Those lips...
三个乳房 Those three tits.
我想跟各位说第五点，但差不多是时候 I would tell you the fifth, but this is about the time
我要... where I --
电影名称：早熟
我就是我人生中的 I'm bit part player in the
大人物 story of my life
我无法醒来，但是 and I can't wake up, but I
我不想在晚上睡 just won't sleep at night
但也许我活著，也许 but maybe I'm alive and maybe
我死了 I'm dead
你说的这些事在我脑中 the things you say went around
萦绕 my head
空虚的词听起来就像 empty words that sound like
屎蛋 shit to me
转过去，去，去，去 turn around, round, round,
去，去，去 round, round, round
转过去 turn it around
转过去，去，去 turn around, round, round,
去，去，去 round, round, round
把...把床单丢到洗衣机吧，甜心 just...Throw the sheets in the laundry, hon.
没事的 It's okay.
她在洗衣服 She's in the laundry room.
坐下吧 Sit down.
我得去学校了，那... I should probably be going to school, so...
我们都知道今天的 We both know how important
面试很重要 today's interview is.
爸，我真的不需要 Dad, I really don't need
再听加油的话 another pep talk.
你坐冷板凳而你的队友跟其他八个球员打球时 little league and your team played with eight players,
我没说什麽 I said nothing.
你被莎莉·李文森霸凌时 When you were bullied by Sally levinson...
我没说什麽 I said nothing.
你参选班长 When you lost the class
输给一个浣熊... presidency to a raccoon...
他是学校吉祥物 He was the school mascot.
我没说什麽 ...I said nothing.
但这次对我太重要 But this is too important to me
我不可能坐视不管 to just sit idly by and say nothing.
来吧，坐吧 So, come on. Please.
好吧， Okay. Fine.
我要你面试时带著这个 I want you to wear this during the interview.
这是我以前在乔治城 This is my old headband from
参加划船比赛的旧头带 when I rowed crew at Georgetown.
但，我不是划船啊 But...I don't row crew.
喔天啊，这闻起来很像胯下 Oh, God. This smells like crotch.
这是胜利的味道 That's the smell of a champion.
今天你有个大好机会 Today you have a huge opportunity.
今天你要让我骄傲 Today you'll make me proud.
要是我可以在他的 It would save me time if I would
床上铺些报纸就可以省下 just put down newspaper on
很多...时间 his...Bed.
[ Cold war kids 的 "miracle mile" ]
我应该做大事 I was supposed to do great things
我知道路途漫长 I know the road was long
但我不是为了成名 but I wasn't raised to shoot for fame
我得走平稳的路 I had the safety on
呜，呜，呜 ooh, ooh, ooh
我剪断领带 I cut my ties,
我卖了戒指 I sold my rings
我不需要这些东西 I wanted none of this
如果你出身微寒 if you start from scratch,
你得唱歌 you have to sing
为了愉快 just for the fun of it
衣服真漂亮 cute dress!
你好，丽莎 Hello, Lisa.
为什麽他要接近我们？ Why is he near us?
祝你有愉快的一天 Have a good day at school.
劳勃 Rob!
呦，劳勃 Yo, rob!
啊啊 Ah!
喔 Oh.
嘿，你还好吗？ Hey, are you okay?
嘘 Shh.
我本来要发射了 So, I'm about to blow my load
结果丽莎说「等等」 when Lisa says, "wait."
然后她站起来，开始穿衣服 She then stands up, gets dressed,
转过来对我说 turns to me and says,
「好了 "okay.
现在射吧」 Come now."
然后蹦 And boom.
我射了 I came.
怎麽会有高中女生 How does a high school chick
知道心灵控制？ learn mind control like that?
也许某些特殊学校会教性课程？ Maybe some sort of magnet school for the sexually advanced?
你一定会喜欢性爱 You're gonna love sex.
就像是打世界上 It's like jerking off with the
最爽的手枪 best sock on the planet.
等等 Wait.
为什麽你穿得跟艾伦·狄珍妮一样 (美国脱口秀女主持人) Why are you dressed like Ellen degeneres?
我今天要面试 I have my interview today.
我穿得不像艾伦 I'm not dressed like Ellen.
那，要是你没上你要怎麽办？ So, what are you gonna do if you don't get in?
嘿，闭嘴，好吗？ Hey. No. Shut up, okay?
我一定得上 I have to get in.
不要触我霉头 Don't jinx me.
那我杀隻鸡就好 So I'll kill a chicken.
放轻鬆啦 Relax.
嘿，老兄，你今晚要过来吗？ Hey, man. You want to come over tonight?
我要跟巴尔干的小子玩线上「侠盗猎车手」 I'm playing "grand theft auto" online with that kid from the Balkans.
你知道，他传给我一个超杀的youtube短片 You know, he sent me this fucked-up YouTube clip.
有些人揍他的蛋蛋 Some mma guy got punched in the
揍到他拉屎又射精 nuts so hard he shit himself and came.
哇，嗯，虽然我很想看，但是加布丽尔跟我 Wow, uh, as much as I'd love to see that, Gabrielle and I are
今晚要看拼字大赛 watching the spelling bee tonight.
海，各位 Hi, guys.
那不是书呆子超级盃？ The dork super bowl?
现场有一堆紧张的小孩，害怕让他们的父母失望 trembling kids, terrified of disappointing their watching parents.
我是说，就像是看 I mean, it's like watching
虐待儿童的节目 televised child abuse.
超酷的说 It's fucking awesome.
他们也许不会被揍，但一样会吓到拉屎 They don't get punched, but they do shit themselves.
哈 Huh.
你们早安啊 And a good morning to you both.
嘿，加布 Hey, gabs.
谢谢你 Thanks.
亚瑟 Arthur.
你什麽时候要搭飞机，小亚 What time you flying out, Artie?
很可惜残障奥林匹克并没有幽默大赛 Too bad the special Olympics doesn't have a comedy competition.
劳勃，加布丽尔跟我说你乔治镇大学面试在今天 So, rob, Gabrielle told me your Georgetown interview is today.
嗯，对 Uh, yeah.
我有点紧张 I'm a little nervous.
要我替你说点打气的话吗？ Want me to put in a good word?
从我中学开始他们就一直用全额奖学金邀我过去 They've been on my jock about going there full ride since I was in middle school.
真的吗？从中学开始？ Really? Since middle school?
对七岁的我来说压力很大 It's a lot of pressure for a 7-year-old.
早安 Good morning.
早安，休斯老师 Morning, Mr. Hughes.
亚瑟，我以为你会早点到 Arthur, I thought you were going to be here early.
不好意思 Excuse me for a second.
少给我来这套，休斯老师，我写好了你的报告，但 Get off my scrotum, Mr. Hughes. I have your lesson plan, but
我没拿到钱 what I don't have is my money.
在教室裡 It's in my classroom.
那我们走吧 Then let's go.
不好意思，各位，我有事要处理 I'm sorry, guys. I have to handle this.
还有，劳勃，面试的时候提到我的名字没关系 And, rob, feel free to drop my name in the interview.
我不敢相信你的邻居竟然卖功课给老师 I can't believe your pre-pub neighbor sells homework to teachers.
对啊，而且他怎麽那麽有自信 Yeah, and how is he so confident?
他的眉毛还比山姆·埃利奥特的鬍子还浓 He has one eyebrow and it's thicker than Sam elliott's mustache.
噢，他没办法解决眉毛，他是亚美尼亚人 Aw, he can't help the eyebrow. He's Armenian.
真可怜？不，他应该修眉毛，看起来很丢脸 Poor kid? No, you should mow that thing. It's embarrassing.
一直抓著自己下体的人还真敢说 Says the guy who has been not-so-subtly adjusting his cup.
我要防止足球队的 It's an athletic supporter.
公平来说，加布丽尔，一点小小的不适 In his defense, Gabrielle, a little discomfort is far better
会比整学期每天被踢蛋蛋来的好 than getting kicked in he balls every day for a semester.
那只在九年级发生过，之后就再也没发生过 That happened in the 9th grade. It hasn't happened since.
不是这麽容易遗忘的，加布丽尔 It's not something one just forgets, Gabrielle.
我九年级被磨蛋蛋 The 9th grade was my ballocaust.
不能再发生 Never again.
我替今晚弄到啤酒，你很期待吗？ I got beer for tonight. You excited?
喔，太棒了，怎麽会？ Oh, sweet. How?
我趁购物的时候丢到推车裡 Just threw it in the cart at the shop 'n save.
我妈以为是我爸放的，我爸以为是自己放的，所以很成功 and my dad thought he put it in, so it worked out perfectly.
嘿，这是你最后一次修改赌注 Hey, so, it is your last chance to change your bet,
除非你真的认为那个 unless you really think that
梦娜女孩可以获胜 Mona panchal will take it all.
嗯，某些统计说... Um, some stats --
好吧 all right.
她十三岁 She is a 13-year-old
来自堪萨斯的后起之秀 up-and-comer from Kansas via Mumbai with a nervous twitch.
她两年前第十二名，去年第五名，今年轮到她了 She placed 12th two years ago, 5th last year. This is her year.
而且，你现在要换人也来不及了，因为第一轮已经开始比赛 Also, it is too late to change your bets because the first round has started.
我只是很兴奋 I'm just really excited for
pongsaklek wonjongkam 可以在LUNCH 上面打败梦娜 pongsaklek wonjongkam to eat Mona for l-u-n-c-h.
好吧，pongsaklek 是男生还是女生？ Right. Is pongsaklek a boy or a girl?
嗯，我不知道 Yeah, I have no idea.
但如果他可以拼出自己的名字，他什麽都可以 But if it can spell its own name, it can spell anything.
所以，我在想我们可以在每次有人要求 So, I was thinking we could drink every time somebody asks
换发音时喝一杯 for alternate pronunciations.
或者...每次有人要求换发音时，我们可以乾一杯 Or -- or every time someone asks for alternate pronunciations, we could cut ourselves.
嗯，当然 Yeah, sure.
呦，劳勃 Yo, rob! Y--
嘿，你开什麽玩笑？ hey! Are you kidding me?
你们是排球员 You're volleyball players.
你们不会恶作剧 You don't get to pick on people.
传给我 Set me.
不 No!
喔，该死 Ooh! Damn.
是尿欸 It's piss.
那些王八蛋尿在我身上 Those assholes pissed on me.
嗯，在面试前可以晒乾吧 Well, that'll dry by the interview.
嗯，但他闻起来会很像消臭块 Yeah, but he smells like a urinal cake.
我知道，我的确闻起来很像消臭块 I do. I do smell like a urinal cake.
好吧，各位，我下一节得考试，我得走了，嗯... Okay, guys, I have my test next period. I got to go. Um...
史丹利，去失物招领处拿一件新裤子 Stanley, go to the lost and found, get rob a new pair of pants.
我不会让你失望，老兄，借过，裤子危机 I won't let you down, buddy. Watch out! Pants emergency!
保持冷静 Stay calm.
好吧，深呼吸 All right? Take a deep breath.
不要让你的小弟靠近面试官的脸 Keep the recruiter's face away from your junk.
一定会很棒 And it's gonna be great.
好吗？ Okay?
感谢，加布 Thanks, gabs.
传讯给我拼字比赛的状况 Just text me with bee updates, okay?
我会的 I will.
好吧，这些不是很理想 Okay, these aren't ideal,
但实在没有什麽选择 but they didn't have a lot to choose from.
这是男生的裤子吗？ Are these even men's pants?
穿上吧，也许你看起来很帅 Try 'em on. Maybe you'll look fabulous.
我觉得穿上会很难看 I feel like I'm gonna be sick.
嘿，你们知道我下节课要考试吧 Hey, you know I have a test next period, right?
嘘 Shh.
怎麽你教的学生都这麽自我中心？ Are all the people you tutor this self-absorbed?
嘿，亚提，你可以帮这个学生吗，拜託 Hey, Artie. Can you help this student, please?
劳勃没空 Rob's falling apart.
我知道你有学习障碍，史丹利，但你可以 I know you have a learning disability, Stanley, but can you
搞清楚我现在就在家教吗？ grasp the fact that I'm already working with someone?
有多少人知道你替休斯老师做事 How many people know about your arrangement with Mr. Hughes?
我敢说一定还有其他老师 And I'm presuming there are others.
你这蠢羊
不要对我说魔法语 Don't shout that witch language at me!
我会把你绑在树上烧死 I'll burn you at the stake.
过去 Move.
快 Go.
我知道什麽可以帮助你，好，你先深呼吸 I know what would help. Okay, take a deep breath.
好，我在做了 Okay. I am.
很好，现在去厕所， Good. Now go to the bathroom, hit a
锁上门，好好打一枪 stall, and rub one out to that.
科学证明你高潮后血压会降低 It's a scientific fact that your blood pressure drops after you orgasm.
就像是你的蛋蛋透或静脉做瑜珈 It's like your balls are shooting yoga through your veins.
喔，不，她过来了吗？ - 对 Oh, no. Is she coming over here? Yep.
她要过来了，该死，不要说话 She is. Shit. Please stop talking now.
海，劳勃 Hi, rob.
嘿，安琪拉 Hey, Angela.
嗯，早安 Um, good morning.
不好意思，安琪拉，我得更新我的维基百科页面 Excuse me, Angela. I have to update my Wikipedia page.
好吧 Okay.
嗯，劳勃，我知道我们的家教课程不是 So, rob, um, I know our tutoring session isn't supposed to be
在星期四，但我希望可以改个时间 until Thursday, but I was kind of hoping we could schedule,
像是紧急家教之类的 like, an emergency session.
马柯尼老师把考试时间提早了 Miss marconi moved the test up.
她明天要做乳房X光检查，所以... She's getting a mammogram tomorrow, so...
你刚说乳房X光检查？ Did you say mammogram?
是啊，怎麽听起来这麽性感 Yeah, how'd you make it sound so hot?
我想我们今晚可以在我家念书 I was thinking that we could study tonight at my house.
今晚？嗯，事实上，我想我不行 Tonight? Um, actually, I don't think I can.
喔，真可惜，真的吗？ Oh, boo. Really?
不，不是这样 No. Not really.
嗯，只是，嗯... Well, yeah. Uh, it's just, um...
我有计画而且不能改，所以... I kind of have plans I can't change, so...
是吗？ Do you?
没错，我有 Yes. I do,
我有计画 have plans.
也许，嗯，你可以找亚瑟帮你家教？ Maybe, uh, you can study with Arthur instead?
智障啊你
喔，你是认真的吗？ Oh, you're serious?
没关系，那我就... That's okay. I'll just --
我就当掉吧 I'll just fail it.
不，安琪拉，不用担心 No, Angela, don't worry.
劳勃会重新安排他的计画，然后儘快让你知道 Rob will reassess his schedule and get back to you a.S.A.F'ing.P.
谢谢。对了，劳勃，那件外套让你看起来超聪明的 Thanks. By the way, rob, that coat makes you look so professorial.
她想要上你 She wants to fuck you.
她的绰号叫做「课后特别时间」有原因的 Her nickname is "after school special" for a reason.
我刚来，她就治好了麦克的口吃 Freshman year, she cured Mike Dolan's stutter.
她的妹妹造就了「国王之声」 Her pussy inspired "the king's speech."
我只是不想让加布失望，你知道吗？ I just can't just bail on gabs, you know?
我是说，我们每年都一起看拼字比赛，这是传统 I mean, we watch the spelling bee every year. It's our thing.
你从我们认识以来就一直很哈安琪拉 You've been borderline stalking Angela as long as we've been friends.
我们从五岁就开始当朋友 We've been friends since we were 5.
你花太多时间在我身上 You took time to grow on me.
我一直到六岁半才确认你是朋友 I didn't consider you a friend until 61.
听著，安琪拉只跟成熟男人做爱 Look, Angela has sex with grown men.
她从国小开始就不曾跟高中生做爱 She hasn't slept with a high-school student since elementary school.
她只对你特别开例 She's making an exception for you.
今天我压力很大 This is too much pressure for me today.
好吧，那我这样问你 Okay, well, let me ask you this.
她曾经邀请你去过她家吗？ Has she ever invited you over to her house before?
没有，但不要说了，好吗？ No, and stop, okay? Please.
因为我现在很慌张，而且我不能拉屎在运动裤上 Because I am panicking, and I cannot shit these gym shorts.
噁心，他刚刚真的说那句话吗？ Ew. Did he really just say that?
这首诗的内容描述一个会说话的乌鸦神祕地造访 The poem tells of a talking raven's mysterious visit to a
一个失落的爱人，并让那个男人陷入疯狂 distraught lover, tracing's he man's slow fall into madness.
我会开始念这首诗，然后我们会讨论一次 I'll start reading and then we'll go around the room counterclockwise.
当我念这首诗的时候，仔细观察重複的字词 As I recite the poem, look for the repetition of the word
「不再重複」 "nevermore."
曾经一个阴沉的午夜 "Once upon a midnight dreary,
面试重点
而我虚弱地呢喃 while I pondered weak and weary,
超过一个古典而好奇的... over many a quaint and curious
被遗忘的音量中 volume of forgotten lore"...
你知道，我看过去年的年册，她的胸部 You know, I looked at last year's yearbook, and her tits
没有那麽大 were not that big.
一定是整型了 There has definitely been a cosmetic enhancement.
而且两个都整 At least two of them.
当然 Definitely.
我死的时候，我想看看她那一对大奶，你懂？ When I die, I want to come back as her top button, you know?
嗯 Yeah.
或是看著男人上她 Or a guy who's fucking her.
一定很酷 That'd be cool.
一定很酷 That would be cool.
老兄，干嘛 Dude, come on.
我要加上点东西 I have something to add.
请劳勃克拉布到办公室去 I need rob crabbe to the main office.
劳勃 Rob.
本来是乔治镇的吉祥物吗？ Is that supposed to be the Georgetown mascot?
因为那是牛头犬 'Cause you know it's a bulldog.
我画不出牛头犬 I can't draw bulldogs.
每一块紫色窗的 ..."the silken sad uncertain
柔软，暗淡的沙沙声 rustling of each purple curtain
使我从未感受过的 filled me with fantastic terrors
梦幻般的恐怖 never felt before."
史丹利不是去失物招领处了吗？ Didn't Stanley go to the lost and found?
他们只剩短裤 They only had Capri pants.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
你要护送我吗？ Are you my escort?
任君差遣 At your service.
喔，我有个坏消息 Oh, I have bad news for you.
Pongsaklek wonjongkam，他是男生，而且， Pongsaklek wonjongkam, who is a boy, by the way, misspelled
在複赛第二场拼错「endoradiosonde」 "endoradiosonde" in the second preliminary round.
你说真的吗？ Are you serious?
该死，我真没想到会这样 Shit. I did not see either of those coming.
好吧... Well...
我们到了 Here we are.
你一定会成功，我相信 You're gonna nail it. I know it.
你这麽认为？ You think?
没错 Yes.
我是说，谁能抗拒那双美腿？ I mean, who can resist those legs?
劳勃克拉布？ Rob crabbe?
杰克罗斯，乔治镇大学招生委员会，很高兴认识你 Jack roth, Georgetown admissions. Good to meet you.
请坐 Please take a seat.
嗯，在我们开始之前，请容许我 Uh, before we begin, allow me
为穿短裤道歉 to apologize for the shorts.
有些同学认为这很有趣.. Some of my classmates thought it might be amusing if uhh --
霸凌 bullies.
他们用什麽武器？ What was their weapon of choice?
装满尿的水枪，直接喷到我 A piss-filled water gun. Direct hit.
不用说了，我会假装你穿长裤 Say no more. I'll pretend they're pants.
听著，我看到你的资料都很完美，所以我来 Look, everything I've read about you is great, so I'm
只是希望可以见到你本人 really here just to put a face with the name.
那是你的笔记吗？ Are those your notes?
给我吧 Give them to me.
你不需要笔记 You don't need notes.
做你自己即可 Just be yourself.
如果你不晓得要做什麽没关系 And it's okay if you don't know who that is yet.
因为大学就是为了寻找你自己而开设 That's what college is for -- to figure out who you are.
并不是其他人 Right? Not what somebody else
想要你做什麽，而是你自己 wants you to be, but who you...
想要 Really...
做什麽 Are.
只要诚实回答以下问题 Just answer the questions honestly.
你就没问题，好吗？ You're gonna do fine, all right?
好的 [ Chuckles ] Okay.
我看到你的父母都是 I see that your parents both
从乔治镇大学毕业 graduated from Georgetown.
嗯，我妈跟我爸都是 Yeah. Both my mom and dad.
事实上，他们在那裡认识 They met there, actually.
嗯，有些小孩是听 Uh, some kids grow up hearing
绿野仙踪长大的 about oz or wonderland.
但我的童话故事却是 All my fairy tales took place in
发生在神祕的乔治镇大学 the mythical land of Georgetown.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
我也在乔治镇大学 I met my wife...
认识我老婆 At Georgetown, too.
但之后... But then...
红斑性狼疮 (好发在女性身上，会导致死亡) [ Crying ] Lupus.
我很抱歉 [ Sniffles ] I'm sorry.
就像是昨天一样，其实是十个月前 It feels like it happened yesterday. It was 10 months ago.
我还没完全走出来 I'm just having a moment, okay? [ Sniffles ]
嗯，当然 Yeah, no.
请慢慢来 Please, take your time.
不，不，不，我们要继续 No, no, no. Let's do this.
我们要继续 Let's do this.
你知道最大恶霸 You know who the biggest bully
是谁吗？ is?
红斑性狼疮？ Lupus?
不 No!
是生命 It's life!
生命是最大的恶霸 Life is the biggest bully of them all.
它会一直 They'll shoot you with a
用装了尿的水枪泼洒你 piss-filled water pistol again and again and again.
你只能每天早起，继续工作 You got to just get up, carry on.
就跟尿一样臭 Smell like piss.
生命是最大最该死的 Life is the biggest fucking
恶霸 bully of them all.
我很抱歉 I am sorry.
哇 Whoa!
学生家教 Detour.
喔，看看这裡写的 Oh, lookit here.
上面写说你参与 It says that you were, uh, part
学生对学生的 of the student-to-student
课辅计画 tutoring initiative.
罗斯先生？ Mr. roth?
我的老婆就是我的家教 [ Voice breaking ] My wife was my tutor.
这是我们认识的方式 That is how we met.
喔，天啊 [ Crying ] Oh, God.
现在她走了 That's how we met.
她走了 And now she's gone.
嗯... Um...
这是我爸给我的头带... I have my dad's headband, so...
谢谢你 Thank you.
喔 Oh.
怎麽样？ How'd it go?
他哭了 He cried.
不知为何我让他想起 Somehow I reminded him of the
他失去人生最大的意义 greatest loss of his life.
我进不去乔治镇大学了 There goes Georgetown.
这不是世界末日 It's not the end of the world.
那只是你爸的愿望，还有其他学校可以念 It's just your dad talking. There are other schools.
你想像一下你有一个目标 Imagine for one second that you had any goals whatsoever,
现在你没达到目标 and then imagine if they didn't happen.
这就是为什麽我从不设目标 This is exactly why I don't have goals.
听著，你还是可以上乔治顿大学 Look, you can still get into Georgetown.
如果你上不去，那就专注在 And if you can't, focus on one
其他你可以做得到的 thing you can still get into --
安琪拉 Angela.
你疯了 You're insane.
她不想要 She doesn't want to --
你可以成为漂亮的非处男蝴蝶 you could become a beautiful non-virgin butterfly.
让安琪拉打破你的蛹 Let Angela's crotch be your cocoon.
嘿，安琪拉 Hey. Angela.
劳勃 Rob.
短裤很好看 Nice shorts.
嗯，谢谢 Uh, thanks.
说来话长 Uh, long story.
嗯... But, um...
我今晚可以替你辅导 I can tutor you tonight.
真的吗？ Really?
耶 Yeah.
喔，劳勃你真是救星 Oh, rob you're such a life saver.
喔，我可以替你解决测验，但马可尼老师 Oh, I can help you out with your test, but miss marconi is
有她自己的乳房X光测验 on her own with her...Mammogram.
嘿，我一直在找你 Hey. I've been looking all over for you.
嘿，你的.... Hey, how was your, uh...
真的吗？ Really?
嗯，对 Uh, yeah.
我，嗯 I, um...
我变成wonjongkam了 I pulled a wonjongkam.
不会吧，怎麽了 No. What happened.
我不想再提了 I'd rather not relive it.
嘿，嗯，听著，嗯... Hey, so, listen, um...
我想我今晚不适合过去 I don't think I can make it tonight.
我，嗯，我觉得我没心情 I, uh, I'm just not feeling up to it.
你确定吗？也许你会开心一点 You sure? Might cheer you up.
嗯，你知道，改天吧 Yeah, you know, another time.
嗯... Um...
因为我不确定我的未来 It's just my future's in doubt.
嗯，不，没关系 Yeah. Yeah, no, that's okay.
我不知道你为什麽这麽难过 I don't know why you feel so bad.
因为我对加布说谎 Because I just lied to gabs.
我感到很难过 I feel awful.
很好，我们可以利用这点 Good. We can use that.
什麽？ What?
罪恶感是恩赐 Well, guilt is a blessing.
可以让你称久一点 It'll make you last longer.
如果你只拿卫生纸 You can only go four minutes
就算四分钟也没差 when it's just you and the tissues.
唉，那我也对那件事有罪恶感 Yeah, and I'm feeling plenty of guilt then, too.
那我们得需要更强烈的东西 Well, we'll need something stronger.
还记得我不小心露出我的蛋吗？ Remember when I accidentally exposed my baldy?
噁，记得 Ugh. Yeah.
看起来很像我爷爷的手肘 It looked like my grandpa's elbow.
对，就像这样 Yeah, use that.
那也会让你称久一点 That'll ruin things for a little while.
很好 That's good.
你知道你还要做什麽吗？ You know what you should do?
买超大尺寸的保险套 Buy the magnums, too.
然后把普通尺寸的保险套拿出来，故意把大包装 Then use the regular-sized condom, but leave behind the
袋子留在外面 Magnum wrapper.
这有什麽用？ What's that gonna do?
而且会让她认为她的阴道很鬆 Besides make her feel like she has a giant vagina.
嗯，我要trojan ecstasy 牌保险套 Um, I'll have the trojan ecstasy
螺旋状，麻烦了 ultra-ribbed, please.
呜呜呜呜 Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh
呜呜呜呜 whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh
呜呜呜呜 whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh
我爱你 I love you
你也爱我 you do, too
喔 oh!
我很好，你这王八蛋 I'm fine, you asshole!
呜呜呜呜 Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh
呜呜呜呜 whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh
呜呜呜呜 whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh
我爱你 I love you
你也爱我 you do, too
你爱你 you love you
上她？ pussy?
不好意思？ Excuse me?
你是来上她的吗？ Are you here for pussy?
我是安琪拉的家教 I'm Angela's tutor.
她在家吗？ Is she home?
我不知道 I don't know.
我可以问问看吗？ Mind if I check?
随你的便 Do as you wish.
嘿 Hey.
乌兹，你知道你可以在裡面抽淤 Uzi, you know you can smoke inside.
喔，不用了谢谢 Uh, no thank you.
乌兹是以色列人，他要在这裡 Uzi's from Israel. He's staying with us for the
跟我们一起上课... rest of the school year, so...
酷 Cool.
何时家乡才能如此安宁... When it's this quiet back home...
咖啡厅爆炸案 A café explodes.
进来吧 Come on in.
好的 Okay. [ Chuckles ]
蹦蹦 Ka-boom.
嗯，所以... Uh...So...
二次方程式 Quadratic equations.
相信我，这比他 Believe me, it is a lot more
听起来还有趣 exciting than it sounds.
你在做什麽？ What are you doing?
坐床上吧 Sit on the bed.
喔，好 Oh, yeah.
嗯，好的 Uh, right.
当然 Of course.
你想要喝葡萄酒吗？ So, would you like some wine?
这是白金芬黛 It's white zinfandel.
我妈的最爱 It's my mom's favorite.
非常好喝 It's absolutely delish.
不用了谢谢 No thanks.
数学问题比较适合红酒 Math pairs better with a robust red.
你妈在家吗？ Is your mom home?
不，她晚上上班 No, she works at night.
只剩下我跟乌兹 It's just me and uzi.
喔，天啊 Oh, my God!
喔，天啊，不好意思 Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!
不用担心 Don't worry about it.
那，嗯... So, uh...
你明天的考试 What -- what exactly is your
内容是什麽？ test on tomorrow?
我可以跟你坦白吗？ Can I confess something to you?
你该不会有个死老婆或是 You don't have a dead wife or
什麽的吧？ anything, do you?
因为我今天可不要再受一次 'Cause I can't take that again today.
不是 [ Chuckles ] No.
我明天其实没有考试 I don't really have a test tomorrow.
你没有？ You don't?
没有 No
我只是很喜欢跟你念书 I just really like studying with you.
我也很喜欢跟你念书 I really like studying with you, too.
你的成绩有很大的进步 Your grades are really improving.
每次课辅，都是我一週最期待的 The studying sessions are, like, the highlight of my week.
是吗？ They are?
嗯 Yeah.
我跟你在一起的时候，我不知道 When I'm with you, I don't know.
你不会像其他人这样待我 You don't treat me like everyone else.
我只是觉得....我不知道 I just feel...I don't know.
很安全 Safe.
我八年级的时候是校园安全巡逻队队长 I was captain of the safety patrol team in 8th grade.
等等 Wait.
也许我们应该... Maybe we should --
喔，那真是太爽了 oh, that -- that is nice.
把...把床单 Just...Throw the sheets in
丢到洗衣机吧，甜心 the laundry, hon.
怎麽会… What the f--
没事的 It's okay.
她在洗衣服 She's in the laundry room.
坐下吧 Sit down.
我们都知道今天的面试很重要 We both know how important today's interview is.
劳勃 Rob?
面试是今天？ The interview is today?
不要开玩笑，劳勃 Don't "f" with me, Robert.
你坐冷板凳 When you were benched in little
你的队友跟其他八个球员打球时，我没说什麽 league and your team played with eight players, I said nothing.
你被莎莉·李文森霸凌时，我没说什麽 When you were bullied by Sally levinson, I said nothing.
你参选班长输给一个浣熊... 我没说什麽 When you lost the class presidency to a raccoon, huh, I said nothing.
但这次对我太重要，我不可能坐视不管 But this interview is far too important for me to sit idly by and say nothing.
我要你面试时带著这个 I want you to wear this during the interview.
这是我以前在乔治城参加划船比赛的旧头带 This is my old headband from when I rowed crew at Georgetown.
今天你要让我骄傲 Today's the day you make me proud.
要是我可以在他的 It would save me time if I would
床上铺些报纸就可以省下 just put down newspaper on
很多...时间 his...Bed.
劳勃 Rob!
呦，劳勃 Yo, rob!
啊啊 Ah!
我本来要要发射了，结果丽莎说「等等」 So, I'm about to blow my load when she says, "wait."
然后她站起来，开始穿衣服 She then stands up, gets dressed, and leaves.
然后转过来对我说 Before she goes, she turns to me
「好了，现在射吧」 and says, "okay. Come now."
然后蹦，我射了 And boom. I came.
你在干嘛啊？ What the fuck are you doing?
为什麽你穿得跟艾伦·狄珍妮一样 Why are you dressed like Ellen degeneres?
他传给我一个超杀的youtube短片 No, he sent me this fucked-up YouTube clip.
有些人揍他的蛋蛋 Some mma guy got punched in the
揍到他拉屎又射精 nuts so hard he shit himself and came.
嘿，你是在生气还是怎样？ Hey, you pissed at me or something?
我真的搞不清楚 I'm just...Really out of it.
我想我没睡好 I don't think I slept so good.
就像是做了个疯狂的梦 I was having a crazy dream.
你们早安啊 And a good morning to you both.
嘿，加布，亚瑟 Hey, gabs. Arthur.
你什麽时候要搭飞机，小亚 What time are you flying out, Artie?
很可惜残障奥林匹克并没有幽默大赛 Too bad the special Olympics doesn't have a comedy competition.
劳勃，加布丽尔跟我说你 So, rob, Gabrielle told me your
乔治镇大学面试在今天？ Georgetown interview is today?
有人知道中风的前兆是什麽吗？ Does anyone know the warning signs of a stroke?
早安 Good morning.
早安，休斯老师 Hi, Mr. Hughes.
亚瑟，我以为你会早点到 Arthur, I thought you were gonna be here early.
不好意思 Excuse me for a second.
你知道，我对他感到遗憾 You know, I kind of feel bad for him.
大概是因为他的眉毛吧 Probably because he has one eyebrow.
他的眉毛还比 And it's thicker than...
山姆·埃利奥特的鬍子还浓 Both: Sam elliott's mustache.
所以，我在想我们可以在每次有人要求 So, I was thinking every time they ask for alternate
换发音时喝一杯 pronunciations, we could drink.
呦，劳勃 Rob! Yo, rob!
嘿， Hey!
你开什麽玩笑？ Are you kidding me?
你们是排球员 You're volleyball players.
你们不会恶作剧 You don't get to pick on people.
传给我 Set me.
喔 Oh!
喔，该死 Ooh! Damn!
是尿 It's piss.
好吧，嗯… Okay, um...
嗯，在面试前可以晒乾吧 Well, that'll dry by the interview, right?
嗯，但他闻起来会很像消臭块 Yeah, but he smells like a urinal cake.
我下一节得考试，我得走了 I have my test next period, so I got to go.
嗯… Um...
史丹利，去失物招领处… Stanley, go to the lost and found --
不，没关系 no, it's fine.
我去穿我放在体育柜的 I'll just wear the shorts in my
运动裤就好 gym locker.
真的吗？你确定？ Really? You sure?
保持冷静 Stay calm.
深呼吸 Take a deep breath.
不，说真的，我没事 No, seriously. I'm good.
一切都跟梦一样 This was the dream.
你说你梦到今天？ You dreamed about today?
对 Yeah.
丽莎叫你射精 Lisa's telling you to come.
尿枪 The piss gun.
还有安琪拉想要 And Angela yearwood wants to
跟我上床 have sex with me.
唬烂 Bullshit.
嘿，我下一节要考试 Hey. I have a test next period.
怎麽你教的学生都这麽自我中心？ Are all the people you tutor this self-absorbed?
海，劳勃 Hi, rob.
我知道我们的家教课程不是 So, I know our tutoring session wasn't supposed to be until
在星期四，但我希望 Thursday, but I was kind of,
可以改个时间，紧急家教之类的 like, hoping that we could schedule an emergency session.
马柯尼老师把考试时间提早了 Miss marconi moved the test up.
她明天要做乳房X光检查 She's getting a mammogram tomorrow.
乳房X光 Mammogram.
你现在怎麽还能专心在面试呢？ How could you even focus on your interview right now?
我在梦裡的时候失败了 In the dream, I bombed it.
管他的，安琪拉会让每件事都重来 Angela will make everything in the world right again.
请劳勃克拉布到办公室去 I need rob crabbe to the main office.
你知道，我在安琪拉身上也失败了 You know, I bombed the Angela thing, too.
对喔 That's right.
什麽？ What?
没事 Nothing.
你准备好了吗？ Are you ready?
我看起来像准备好了吗？ Do I look ready?
那件裤子奇怪地适合你 The outfit weirdly works for you.
不，并没有 No, it doesn't.
不，一点也不 Nope. Not at all.
喔，我有个坏消息 Oh, I have bad news for you.
Pongsaklek wonjongkam 拼错「endoradiosonde」 Yeah, pongsaklek wonjongkam misspelled "endoradiosonde."
我老婆是我的家教，这是我们认识的方式 [ Voice breaking ] My wife was my tutor. That's how we met.
喔，天啊，老天 [ Crying ] Oh, God. Jesus.
她走了 She's gone.
结果呢？ So?
不要不说话 Don't shut me out!
嘿，劳勃 Hey, rob!
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
我只是很兴奋我们今晚能见面 I just thought you'd be more excited to come over tonight.
你知道，如果你没其他计画的话 You know, if you have other plans.
我今晚可以替你家教 I can tutor you tonight, so...
你是救星 You're a life saver!
嗯，救救我？我生病了 Um...Help me? I'm sick.
你怎麽了？ What's wrong?
我也不知道 I have no idea.
我发现有既视感，或是精神病发作，我真的 I'm having déjà vu or, like, a psychotic episode, and I really
需要帮忙，因为我现在一片混乱 need your help because I'm falling apart.
好吧 Okay.
把这个放进嘴裡 Put this under your tongue.
时间到了，尼尔 That's your timer, Neal.
没发烧，尼尔 No fever, Neal.
你没生病，甜心 You're not sick, honey.
你可以回教室了 You can go back to class.
噁 [ Vomiting ]
嗯，你知道吗？我自己搞懂好了 Yeah, you know what? I'll just figure it out.
希望你好一点，尼尔 Feel better, Neal.
从安琪拉那裡得到性病一点也不迟 There's never a bad time to get an std from Angela yearwood.
就算她传给你最致命的，你的医生还是会跟你击掌 Even if she gave you a fatal one, your doctor would still high-five you.
加布：我要跟你一起喝啤酒 [ Cellphone chimes ]
该死，我还没跟加布取消 Shit. I never canceled with gabs.
管她啊 Who cares?
安琪拉要替你破处了 Angela's about to deflower you.
拜託开心一点 Please smile.
我要 trojan ecstasy 牌螺旋纹保险套，麻烦了 Could I have the trojan ecstasy ultra-ribbed, please?
呜呜呜呜 Whoo, whoo, whoo-ooh-ooh
我爱你 I love you
你也爱我 you do, too
喔，该死，就在这...啊 oh, shit. This is where -- aah!
你是来上她的吗？ Are you here for pussy?
嘿 Hey.
我可以跟你坦白吗？ Can I confess something to you?
我明天其实没有考试 I don't really have a test tomorrow.
我知道 I know.
喔，不 Oh, no.
把床单丢到 Just...Throw the sheets in
洗衣... the LA--
今天你要让我骄傲 today's the day you make me proud.
劳勃！啊 Rob! Ah!
她明天要做乳房X光检查 She's getting a mammogram tomorrow.
有个坏消息 I have some more bad news for you.
这次不能这样 Not this time.
上她？ Pussy?
可以跟你坦白吗？ Can I confess something to you?
把床单丢到洗衣机裡，甜心 Just...Throw the sheets in the laundry, hon.
到底是怎麽回事？ What the fuck is happening?!
一切都没事吗？ Is everything okay?
嗯，当然 [ Chuckles ] Yeah! Yeah.
我，我等等把床单丢到洗衣机 I'll just -- I'll throw the sheets in the laundry.
你想要结束？ Do you want this to end?
因为我想我们说得很清楚 'Cause [Chuckles] I think you're getting a pretty good deal here.
我们在做爱，至少你可以跟我在学校牵手吧 We're having sex. The least you can do is hold my hand in school.
听著，我们可以做爱是因为我 Look, the whole reason that this works is because I get to
得在大学认识好男人前先练习一下 practice for when I meet the right guy in college, okay?
在任何重要的人出现之前 'Cause as far as anyone who really matters is concerned,
你都不存在 you don't exist.
你怎麽会在这？ The hell are you doing here?
我有件事要跟你说 I have something I need to tell you.
这只有一种解释 There is only one explanation.
你的处男魂让你发疯 Your virginity is driving you insane.
就像是depanorizzi 老师在健康课播的影片一样 It's like one of those videos we saw in Ms. depanorizzi's health class.
你知道，小提米 You know, how little Timmy went
因为打手枪过多造成发狂 berserk because he masturbated too much.
不，我知道，只是，我发誓非常真实 No, I know. It's just -- I swear this all feels too real.
太真实了 Way too real.
听起来像是妄想症 Sounds like a delusional disorder.
跟幻觉不同，你 Unlike hallucinations, your
相信的这些事情很明显都是幻想 actual belief in these events is clearly pathological.
吃些精神病药会帮助 An antipsychotic will help
减轻你的多巴胺 reduce your dopamine levels.
你会没事的 You'll be fine.
我爸是心理医生 My dad's a psychiatrist.
我知道怎麽解决 I know what will help.
什麽？ What?
三人行 A threesome.
跟我？ With me?
当然是跟你 Yeah. With you.
这是三赢 It's a win-win-win.
听著，你需要在大学前练习，劳勃要破处以改善他的处男魂 Look, you get some pre-college practice, rob has sex and is no longer driven mad by his
造成的问题，而我得在八点前解放 virginal status, and I bust a nut before 8:00 in the morning.
你觉得呢？ What do you say?
嗯，但实际上三人行会发生什麽事？ Yeah, but what actually happens in a threesome?
这表示我要跟你... Does that mean that you and I --
不，劳勃，我跟你不会做爱 mnh-mnh, rob, you and I will not be having sex.
我们会一起上丽莎 We'd be boning Lisa.
同时吗？ At the same time?
这要看情况 It all depends.
有很多种不同的方法 There are different methods.
你知道，我们可以轮流... You know, we could take turns --
够了 okay.
你真的以为我会跟 Do you really think that I would
你们两个三人行吗？ have a threesome with the two of you?
也许吧 Maybe.
好吧，听著 Okay, look.
三人行非常，特别 Threesomes are...Special.
必须保留到 They're specifically reserved
我找到可以结婚的男人之后 for when I find the man that I'm going to marry.
然后会跟他的一个朋友，一起 And then a friend of his choice, of course.
你知道，这就是结婚的运作方式 You know, that's how you make marriages work.
喔，还有，史丹利，你可以射了 Oh, and, Stanley, you can come now.
啊啊啊啊 [ Gasps ]
你也是，劳勃 You too, rob.
啊啊啊啊 [ Both gasping ]
把床单丢到 Just...Throw the sheets in
洗衣机裡，甜心 the laundry, hon.
他是个年轻人 He's a young man!
你在开什麽玩笑？ Are you kidding me with this?!
就像是在我们面前一大退步 It's like he's regressing right before our eyes!
今天很重要，他大概 He has a big day, probably
需要释放些压力 just needed to relieve some tension.
那压力可真多 That was a lot of tension!
我们的儿子变成变态了 Our son is turning into this pervert!
我在他那个年纪，我还可以装满水桶 When I was that age, I could fill a bucket.
是吗？甜心，你现在还是可以装满水桶 Yeah? Well, sweetie, you can still fill a bucket.
只是喷出一点点 It's just a little squirt.
一点点？ A little squirt?!
好吧，好吧 Okay, okay, okay, okay.
所以，我去安琪拉的房子 So, I went to Angela's house
一、二、三次，然后 one, two, three times, and then
我见到了史丹利和丽莎 I went and saw Stanley and Lisa.
然后我们差点要三人行 And then we almost had a threesome.
然后... And then...
这是48寸长的... Is that a 48-inch --
当然 sure is.
我从现在开始会自己洗衣服 I'm gonna do my own laundry from now on.
嘿！ Hey!
加布 Gabs!
加布丽尔，停下来 Gabrielle, stop!
加布丽尔 Gabrielle!
劳勃？你还好吗？你像是疯子 Rob? Are you okay? You look insane.
你看到加布丽尔了吗？ Did you see Gabrielle?
嗯，她在裡面 Yeah. She went inside.
老兄，我打给你几千次 Dude, I called your phone like a thousand times.
我今天发生了件很不可思议的事 The most amazing thing happened to me this morning.
我知道，丽莎变成射精大师 I know. Lisa's totally become a master at jizzekinesis!
射精大师 Jizzekinesis!
加布 Gabs!
加布，嘿 Gabs! Hey!
加布 Gabs!
你要穿这样去面试？ That's what you're wearing to your interview?
哈？ Huh?
喔，不不不 Oh, no, no, no, no.
嘿，嗯，我要跟你谈一下 Hey, um, I need to talk to you.
非常重要 It's really important.
好哇，你还好吗？ Sure. Are you okay?
其实不好 Not really.
我们去别的地方.. Let's go somewhere maybe and --
喔，耶 Oh, yeah!
你以为这很好玩吗？ You think that's funny?!
哇 Whoa!
冷静 Chill out!
你不该碰的 That wasn't yours to touch.
劳勃，我想我们该走了 Rob, I think we should go now.
是啊，你应该听你女友的话 Yeah, you should really listen to your girlfriend.
你们这些家伙自以为高 You guys are taller and
又比较帅， you're better looking, but
这样还不满足吗？ that's not enough, is it?
我是说，你们为什麽要恶作剧 I mean, why do you pick on guys like me?
你们知道我想什麽吗？ You know what I think?
我在想你们是同性恋，但你们不知道 I think you're gay and you don't
怎麽处理，所以你们对我恶作剧，因为， know how to handle it, so you pick on me because, inside,
你们知道社会对你们霸凌 society picks on you.
这一点也不酷 That's not cool.
汤米是同性恋 Tommy's gay.
对，不过这算不了什麽 Yeah, it's not that big of a deal.
这些人都很支持我 The guys are super supportive.
喔，那真贴心 Oh, that's so nice.
嗯，如果玩真正的运动就不能搞玻璃了是吗？ Yeah, I guess it would have been worse if you guys played a real sport, right?
我说错了 That came out wrong.
加布，我得走了 Gabs, I got to go.
这样最好 Probably for the best.
抓住他 Get him!
啊啊啊啊 Aaaaaah!
喔，劳勃，你可以... Oh, rob! Can you --
不行 no!
他在哪？ Where is he?
试试看那间 Try that one.
喔，该死 Oh, shit!
喔，不 Oh, no.
不，不，不，不 No, no, no, no, no.
出来 Come on!
打开 Get it open!
锁住了，锁住了 It's stuck! It's stuck!
(我爱课后特别服务)
一、二、三 One, two, three!
你们就不能暂停两秒钟吗？ Would you guys just stop banging for like two seconds?
噁，他在打枪 Ugh! He's whacking!
把床单丢到洗衣机裡，甜心 Just...Throw the sheets in the laundry, hon.
我没事欸 Nothing happened.
嗯 Mm.
早安 Good morning.
坐下，我有事跟你说 Sit down. I want to talk to you.
爸... Dad...
为什麽我去乔治镇大学这麽重要？ Why is it so important to you that I go to Georgetown?
嗯，我想这是因为 Well, I guess because that's
我在那裡认识你妈，之后我的人生才真正开始 where I met your mother and my life really began.
而你想要我也这样？ And you want that for me?
当然 Yes, of course.
嗯，如果我不需要去乔治镇经历这一切呢？ Well, what if I don't need Georgetown to get that?
你不想去乔治顿？ You don't want to go to Georgetown?
不，我只是开玩笑的 No, I'm -- I'm just kidding.
不，我只是不需要鼓励的话，就这样 No, I just -- I don't need a pep talk, that's all.
我懂了 I got this.
你知道，你可以专心在你们两个的周末旅行上 You know, why don't you just focus on planning your trip to parents' weekend.
好吧 Okay.
好的 All right.
祝你顺心 Have a good day.
我证明了性爱绝地武士存在你却沉默不语 I proved the existence of a sex jedi and you're just speechless and smiling.
你有想过除了性爱之外的事吗？ Do you think about anything besides sex?
当然，我想过很多事 Yeah. I think about a lot of stuff.
像是为什麽我们要依赖进口石油 Like why we're still reliant on foreign oil.
为什麽我看起来有马尾 What I'd look like with a ponytail.
你知道吗？ You know?
为什麽花生过敏的人增加 Why the sudden up tick in peanut allergies?
你知道，这世界上有 You know, there are other
很多除了性爱的事 things in this world besides sex.
世界上有很多事情可以看可以做 Other things to see or do in this world.
就算学校也一样 In this school, even.
你在说什麽啊？ What the hell are you talking about?
我在说我想要过著不后悔的生活 I'm talking about living a life without repercussions.
海，两位 Hi, guys.
嘿，你表哥不是没考上南橡树大学？ Hey, didn't your cousin get admitted to South oaks?
嗯，精神病发作并且把邻居家的车棚给烧了 Yeah. He had a psychotic break and burned down his neighbor's shed.
感谢你提醒我 Thank you for bringing that up.
嗯，我们得在劳勃发疯前让他考上 Uh-huh. We need to get rob admitted there stat.
你知道，我早上起来，长话短说，我 You know, I just woke up this morning, and long story short, I
觉得我做甚麽都可以 feel like I can do anything.
好吧，我们可以边走边讲吗？ Okay. Can we talk about that on the way to class?
对，走吧，我得上厕所 Yeah, let's go. I need to make a poo.
你们去吧 Yeah, you guys go.
我现在不想走路 I don't really feel like walking.
嗯，你说的对，他怪怪的 Yeah, you're right. He's acting weird.
嗯，他就像是达赖喇嘛 Yeah. He's like the douchey lama.
停下那台高尔夫车 Stop that golf cart!
让我看你的通行证 Show me your hall pass.
高尔夫车也有通行证吗？ Is there a hall pass for golf carts?
我要把你提报上去 I'm gonna have to write you up.
你真可怜 You poor soul.
你搞不清楚你拥有的权力 You don't know the power that you possess.
我是说，你每天都被打，为了什麽？ I mean, you get beaten up every day, and for what?
上大学的履历？ A line on a college résumé?
我是说，与其提报人，你何不把你的权力 I mean, what if instead of writing people up, you used your
用在对你有好处的地方 position to your advantage, got something out of it.
像是，对我说如果给你这台高尔夫车，你就不会提报我 Like, tell me that you won't write me up if I give you the golf cart.
你愿意这麽做吗？ You would do that?
也许吧 Maybe.
或者是...不好意思，小姐 Or...Excuse me, miss?
你有通行证吗？ Do you have a hall pass?
该死 Shit.
没有 No.
啊，我不知道该怎麽办 Ah, I'm not sure what we can do.
你看，我朋友是走廊巡逻员，而他的工作 You see, my friend here is a hall monitor, and it is his job
是提报在走廊游荡的学生 to write up students who roam the halls without the necessary paperwork.
拜託不要提报我 Please don't write me up.
我要是再被提报一次就会被停学 I'll get suspended if I get written up again.
你愿意跟他喇舌吗？ Will you French kiss him?
好吧 Okay.
但他不能跟其他人说 But he can't tell anyone.
很好 Deal. [ Door opens ]
但要让他难以忘怀 But give him something to remember.
这就是你今天在做的事？ This is what you're doing with your day?
嗯，没错 Yeah, totally.
看看这个 Check this out.
你从哪弄来的？ Where'd you get that?
你知道那个怪怪的工友吗？ You know that creepy janitor?
原来他不是恋童癖 It turns out he's not a pedophile.
而是毒贩 He's just a drug dealer.
哈 Huh.
上来吧 Hop in.
我们应该在这？ Should we be out here?
不应该 Nope.
但这样很好玩？ But that's what makes it fun?
没错 Yep.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
要是我们被抓到呢？ And if we get caught?
别担心 Don't worry about it.
相信我 Just trust me.
就像是你上次叫我跟体育老师说 It's like that time that you told me to tell my gym teacher I
我不能跑步，因为我月经来了一样 couldn't run the mile because of my menstrual cramps.
我说了吗？ Did I do it?
齐泽克先生叫你「卫生棉条」 Mr. zizek still calls you "tampon."
我并没说不跟你一起抽 I didn't say I'm not smoking with you.
来吧 Come on.
把火点起来 Light that thing up.
我来看看这是不是通往药虫的大门 Let us see if it is really a gateway drug.
喔，绝对是 Oh. It is.
通往快感的大门 A gateway to awesome.
喔，谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
嘿，你想要听听 Hey, you, um, would you like to
我从来没跟其他人说的事吗？ hear something that I've never told anyone ever?
好哇 Yes.
上高中第一年，我以为 Freshman year, I thought that
导师之夜就是指怀利老师要 parent/teacher night meant that Mrs. wiley was going to be
趁我父母都出门 staying at my house for a night
在我家过一夜 while my parents went away.
你得重新处理 You would have to bomb your
才能去掉她的臭香水味 house to get rid of the stench of her perfume.
喔，天啊 Oh, God.
我们怎麽变成朋友的？ How did we become friends?
你不记得了吗？ You don't remember?
不，不是说我 No, it's not that I don't
不记得，只是说... remember, it's just...
你好像一直都在我身边 It feels like you've always been here.
抱歉 Sorry.
大麻让我变得很有深度 Weed must make me uncomfortably deep.
嗯哼 Uh-huh.
嗯，我当时三年级 Um...I was in the third grade
我是新学生， and I was the new girl, the
而且是160公分的高大女生 giant, 5'3" new girl.
而你是唯一 And you were the only one who
不嘲笑我的人 didn't laugh at me.
我只是很害怕不敢笑 I was too scared to laugh.
你很大隻欸 You were enormous.
喔 Oh.
嘿 Hey.
不管我们明年结果如何 No matter where we end up next
我们还是要一起看拼字比赛 year, we have to watch the spelling bee together.
当然 Of course we will.
我真的很抱歉上次放你鸽子 I'm really sorry that I blew you off this time.
我再也不会这麽做 I'll never do it again.
你什麽时候放我鸽子？ When did you blow me off?
我是说...我是说我绝对不会放你鸽子 I meant -- I meant to say I would never blow you off.
抱歉 Sorry.
这玩意真的会伤害大脑细胞 This stuff must really be killing brain cells.
能够跟你一起在外面 It's nice to get out like
独处还不错 this once in awhile.
你知道 You know?
不用管上课，稍微放空 Get out of class, live a little.
嗯 Yeah.
我们应该早点就 We should have done something
这麽做 like this sooner.
我一直想这麽做 I always wanted to.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
你知道吗？ You know what?
来吧 Come on.
要去哪？ Where are we going?
还有另一件我一直想做的事 There's something else I've always wanted to do.
给你 Here.
这很好，但是有点 It's pretty good, but kind of
违法 illegal.
教师休息室
喔，天啊 Oh, God.
等等 Hold on!
喔，你好，休斯老师 Oh, hi, Mr. Hughes.
劳勃，这裡是教师休息室 Rob, this is the teachers' lounge.
嗯，嘿，你有火柴吗？ Um, hey, you wouldn't happen to have a match or anything, would you?
没有，嗯，酷 No? All right. Cool.
嗯，我应该走了 Well, um, I should probably get going.
但你应该再冲水一次 But you should probably flush
以防万一 again, just in case.
裡面是什麽感觉？ What was it like in there?
非常舒适 It was very comfortable.
有非常多的休閒读物 There was a great selection of reading material.
嗯 Hm.
我超爱甜甜圈 I fucking love doughnuts.
你知道，我只是说你拥有内在的力量 You know, all I'm saying is that you have an inner strength
我希望我有一天也能有 that one day I hope to have.
感谢你 Thank you.
嘘，嘿，不要感谢我 Shh. Hey. Don't thank me.
好吗，因为我现在根本不重要 Okay? Because I am not important right now.
面试？这根本不重要 My interview? That is not important.
我不会忘记你 I'm never gonna forget you.
我知道 I know.
哇 Whoa!
嘿 Hey!
呜呜 Whoo!
那是什麽情况？ What the fuck was that?
两个人，心灵相通 Two men. Connecting.
够了，不要再说了 Okay, cut the shit.
你今天是怎麽回事？ What is up with you today?
加布跟我都很担心 Gabs and I are worried.
我不担心 I'm not worried.
老兄，我跟你说过了 Dude, I've told you.
你不会了解 You don't get it.
你什麽时候跟我说过了？ When did you tell me?
三个早上前 Three this mornings ago.
没事的，好吗？ It's okay, okay?
因为我本来也搞不清楚，但我现在清楚了 Because I didn't really get it, either, but I do now.
今天是个恩赐 Today is a gift.
来吧 Come on.
我想到个主意 I just got an idea.
好，如同我跟你们昨天 Okay, so, as I told you guys
说的，明天的小考 yesterday, tomorrow's quiz will
范围从第五课到第七课 be on chapters 5 through 7, and
你们想要看.. what you want to look --
克拉布先生，你的课是两节课之前吧 Mr. crabbe, your class was two periods ago.
你错过了 You missed it.
我知道，我只是在大便 I know. I was taking a shit.
你说什麽？ Excuse me?
喔，天啊 Oh, my God.
他在做什麽？ What's he doing?
这很硬，史丹利 They're very firm, Stanley.
就像是海绵 Like, spongy.
这表示这是假的吗？ Does that mean they're fake?
喔，天啊 Oh, my God!
谢谢 Thank you.
干的好 Sweet.
我觉得我抽太多大麻了 I think I smoked too much weed.
他刚刚抓了哈特妮老师的奶吗？ Did he just feel up Ms. hartnett?
嗯哼，我想她会报警吧 Mm-hmm. I think she called the cops.
这很值得 It was worth it.
这裡有人坐吗？莎莉？ Are these seats taken, Sally?
我早就想这麽做了 It has been a long time.
哇 Whoa!
这是为了四年级报仇 That was for the 4th grade!
是吧 [ Laughs ] Right?
喔，不好了 Oh, shit.
啊啊啊啊啊 Aaaah!
想办法，劳勃 Save yourself, rob!
抓她的奶 Grab her tit!
我要抓她的奶 I'm grabbing her tit!
啊啊啊 Aah!
我在抓你的奶 I'm grabbing your tit!
抓到奶喷出来为止 Squeeze it till milk comes out!
我很抱歉 I'm sorry!
我很抱歉，莎莉 I'm sorry, Sally.
我支持你 I'm a big fan.
啊啊 Aah!
啊啊 Aaah!
那一定很痛 That's got to hurt.
啊啊 Aah!
莎莉 Sally!
啊啊啊 Aaah!
(汉森校长)
坐下吧，劳勃 Have a seat, rob.
我不知道该怎麽说 I don't know what to say.
你是我最喜欢的一个学生 You're one of my favorite students.
真的吗？ Really?
我们根本不认识 We've barely met.
嗯，说的对 Yeah, exactly.
我喜欢我不用见到面的学生 I love the students I don't have to meet.
这工作的坏处是跟你们这些家伙见面 Meeting you guys is the worst part of my job.
你介意我吃东西吗？ Do you mind if I eat?
在警察来之前 It's gonna be awhile before the
还有点时间 cops get here.
警察？ The cops?
没错，警察 Yes. The cops.
老天 Geez.
你抓了哈特妮老师的胸部 You grabbed Ms. hartnett's breasts.
那是性骚扰 That's sexual assault.
我是说，不要自以为厉害 I mean, don't flatter yourself.
警察也是来抓一个白痴司机 They're also coming for some moron bus driver who was toking
在车上抽大麻，但主要还是针对你 it up in one of the parked vehicles, but you're the main focus.
所以 So...
我并不是对你的 I don't mean to be flippant
处境不慎重，但在 about your situation, but in an
人满为患的公立学校中，如果有学生 overcrowded public school like this, if one of you students
干了坏事而我得驱逐你，并不会让我失去胃口 the crapper and I get to expel you, I am not losing my appetite over that.
该死 Shit.
去你的 Fuck.
好吧，我们看看你干了什麽坏事 All right, let's run down the hit list.
你性骚扰教师 You molested a teacher.
你性骚扰一位女学生以及男性巡逻员 You sexually harassed a female freshman student and a male hall monitor.
还有...这很有趣 And then -- [ Chuckles ] This is funny.
你跟女生打架还输了 You got in a fight with a girl and you lost.
她用钉鞋踩我的男性部位 She curb-stomped my genitals. With her shoes.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
你妈跟你爸都要过来了，顺便说 Your mom and dad are on their way, by the way.
她说她看到你早上在自慰 And she said that she caught you masturbating this morning.
那是梦遗 It was a wet dream.
我没有自慰 I wasn't masturbating.
对我来说你就要加入性犯罪 Seems like to me you're going for a varsity letter in sexual deviancy.
我可以去厕所吗？ Can I go to the bathroom?
尿在裤子裡吧 Yeah, in your pants.
因为你不能离开这裡 'Cause you're not leaving this office.
好吧 All right.
我们看看 Let's take a look.
我搞不懂为什麽 I can't figure out what would
你会堕落成这样，我是说，从记录上来看，毫无瑕疵 make a boy like you snap. I mean, up to this point, no missteps.
什麽事才会让你做这些事 What would make a boy like you do what you did?
我是说，这真是天大的疑问 I mean, it's a big question.
这是社会的问题吗？ Is society at fault?
大概吧 Probably.
你有犯罪因子吗？ Have you got bad wiring?
你小时候受的拥抱不够多吗？ Were you not hugged enough as a kid?
劳勃，劳勃，小劳劳 Rob, rob, Robbie.
我是说，怎麽了你？ I mean, what is it?
你吃了忧鬱症的药吗？ You take Paxil or something?
也许是你的家庭生活 Maybe it's your home life.
我不知道 I don't know.
也许你有个恐怖父母 Maybe you have horrible parents.
但这有一个恐怖的事实 But here is the hard truth that
美国尚未准备好承认 America is not prepared to admit.
我们都是...肮葬的动物 We're all just...Filthy animals.
但却期待我们遵照 And to expect us to play by the
假正经的规则 prude rules --
这太该死的可笑 that's ri-goddamn-diculous.
我是说，你对 I mean, what you did to
哈尼特老师做的事... Ms. hartnett...
我们都很想这麽做 We were all thinking about it.
只要你没有卖毒 As long as you don't sell crack
其实我们不太在乎你摸什麽奶，但 really don't care if you play a little ass-grab, but...
我是说，如果我有预算，我想打造 I mean, hell, if I had the budget, I would build us a
一个密闭的空间 windowless room where you
让你们这些小恶魔 perverts could just go in there
进去又抓又插一整天 and poke and grab all day long.
我会用水泥打造，你知道，这样你们 And I'd make it all out of cement, you know, so you could
比较好清洗那些...液体 hose down all the...Fluids.
拜託 Come on!
那是精液吗？ Is that semen?
那是美奶滋 It's just a little Mayo.
那是我女儿做的三明治 My daughter made me that sandwich!
那是很特别的三明治，你这变态 That's a special sandwich, you little pervert!
喔喔 Ohh!
警察到了 Cops are here.
嗯，我知道 Yeah, I know.
老兄，你得带我出去 Dude, you got to get me out of here.
来吧 Come on.
嗯，你们知道这裡是女生的更衣室吧 Uh, you do know that you're in the girls' locker room, don't you?
跟你的喉结说吧 Tell that to your Adam's apple.
嗯，抱歉 Uh, sorry.
躲在这裡直到可以离开为止 Hide here until it's safe to leave.
什麽？ What?
不要出来 Don't go anywhere.
快啊 Come on!
你是怎麽回事？ What the fuck is wrong with you?
你在跟我说话吗？ Are you talking to me?
不，我在跟我的老二说话，因为它硬不起来 No. I was yelling at my dick because it won't get hard.
那裡有个男生，而且他在... There's a guy in there. I think he's...
自我安慰？ Molesting himself?
听起来就是这样，你想看吗？ It sure sounds like it. Do you want to watch?
嘿，老兄，你到底在干嘛？ Hey, man. What the fuck are you doing?
我真的很需要打手枪，但现在没办法， I really need to jerk off, but it's not working, and I
我想我可能搞砸了 think I might have broken it.
等等，为什麽你要打手枪？ Wait. Why do you need to jerk off?
老兄，我真的没时间解释 Dude, I really don't have time to explain right now.
帮我或者让我离开这 Just help me or get the fuck away.
你要干炮吗，先生 [ High-pitched ] You want to fuck mistah?
我第一次免费，你可以插进我的洞 I'll fuck you first one free. I'll give you all my holes.
肛门也可以 Even brown one.
史丹利？ Stanley?
嗯？ [ Normal voice ] Yeah?
你他妈在干嘛？ What the fuck are you doing?
我在帮忙 I'm trying to help.
我去过亚洲，那边都是这样，你懂吗？ I went Asian. Asian seems right, you know?
把你的蛋卷塞到我的湿小穴裡 [ High-pitched ] Put your egg roll in my sticky bun!
喔，我们要大干一场 Ooh, we do fucky-fucky! Fucky now!
我们要干炮萝 Let's do fucky-fucky!
闭上你的鸟嘴 Shut the hell up.
你才闭嘴 [ Normal voice ] You shut the hell up!
史丹利，拜託不要， Stanley, come on. Stop, man.
我需要专心 I really need to focus.
喔，不，干我 [ High-pitched ] Oh, no. Do me!
用狗爬式，然后我们吃狗肉 Do me doggie style, then we eat dog!
汪汪 Woof!
拜託，老兄，停下来，你在破坏情绪 Come on, man. Please stop. You're ruining it.
不，你才停下，美国先生，掐我 No, you stop, Mr. America. Choke me.
掐我 Choke me!
你从前面插她 [ Deep voice ] You fuck her from the front, "g."
我从后面上 I'mma fuck her from the back.
耶 Yeah.
那是啥？ What the hell is that?
我唯一可以装的其他声音 [ Normal voice ] It's the only other voice I can do.
我决定去找警察，也许在监狱被强暴一样可行 I'm gonna go find the cops. Maybe getting raped in jail is gonna do the trick.
喔，不 Oh, no.
把床单丢到洗衣机裡，甜心 Just...Throw the sheets in the laundry, hon.
你在开什麽玩笑 You got to be fucking kidding me!
你说什麽，罗伯特？ What was that, Robert?!
你才开什麽玩笑 You got to be fucking kidding me!
看看你自己 Look at yourself!
我很抱歉，妈 I'm sorry, mom.
我不敢相信我的生活变成这样 [ Scoffs ] I can't believe this is my fucking life.
啊啊啊啊啊啊 Aaaaaaaaaah!
你不打算锁车吗？ You're not gonna lock your bike up?
嘿，几位 Hey, guys.
你什麽时候要上飞机，亚提？ What time are you flying out, Artie?
很可惜残障奥林匹克没有搞笑项目 Too bad the special Olympics doesn't have a comedy competition.
劳勃，加布丽尔跟我说乔治镇大学面试在 So, rob, Gabrielle told me your Georgetown interview is --
今天 today.
不，我不想提到你的名字 And no, I don't want to drop your name.
我是说，我可以，但，你知道 I mean, I could, but, you know,
我宁可不要跟你扯上关系 I'd rather not be associated with you.
劳勃，怎麽了？ Rob. What's wrong?
这跟面试无关 It's not the interview.
你需要谈一谈吗？ You want to talk about it?
我很好 I'm good. [ Sighs ]
嗯，今天是拼字比赛 Well, it's bee day, right?
嗯，关于这件事，我得取消 Yeah, about that. I have to cancel.
真的吗？就这样？ Really? Just like that?
没错，就这样 Yes, just like that.
嘿 Hey!
噢 Aw!
我不知道你怎麽回事，但答应我你不会面试时 I don't know what's going on here, but promise me you'll turn the darkness off for
也这样 your interview.
因为你花了很多时间在这上面 'Cause you've worked your ass off for it.
我要知道你不会任意放弃 And I need to know you're not gonna throw it away.
如果需要我陪你面试，我可以 If I have to do the interview with you, I will.
不要在我旁边吵了，我现在 Stop fucking around, man. I'm not --
我现在状态不好 I'm not in a good place right now.
我没有吵你，你是我最好的朋友，我愿意为你做任何事 I'm not fucking around. You're my best friend. I'd do anything for you.
你是认真的吗？ Do you mean that?
当然，我认真的 Yeah. I mean that.
我是说，你从来没说过这种话 I mean, 'cause you've never really told me that before.
嗯，我不知道我得这麽说 Well, I never knew I had to.
我不知道，你只是... I don't know, you're just --
你一直都很粗俗，你知道吗？ you're always so vulgar, you know?
我隐瞒了我的情感，这是我的防御机制 I bury my emotions. It's a defense mechanism.
我要抱你了 I'm gonna hug you now.
我知道 I know.
嘿，两位 Hey, guys.
喔 Oh.
海，安琪拉 Hi, Angela.
嘿，安琪拉，你好吗？ Hey...Angela. How are you?
为什麽你们在拥抱？ Why are you guys hugging?
现在是2013年了，安琪拉，男人也会拥抱，你知道吗？ It's 2013, Angela. Men hug now, you know?
接受吧 Deal with it.
劳勃，嗯，我本来要去找你，但你既然在这，我 So, rob. Um, I was gonna come find you later, but since you're here, I
知道我们的课辅时间不在星期四，但 know our tutoring session isn't technically supposed to be until Thursday, but --
今晚，嗯，可以 tonight. Um...Yeah. Sure.
太好了，我们可以在我家吗？ [ Chuckles ] Great. And could we do it at my house?
如果必要的话 If we have to.
太好了，那大约七点过来 Perfect. Come over around 7:00.
很好 Great.
连帽衣很好看 Nice hoodie.
使这个男人陷入疯狂 Tracing the man's slow fall into madness.
我会开始念然后我们要讨论 I'll start reading and then we'll go around the room counterclockwise.
好吧，我们开始吧 Okay, let's get started.
克拉布先生，你可以坐下来然后开始吗？ Mr. crabbe, would you mind taking your seat so we can begin?
喔，不，如果不麻烦，我宁可站著 Oh, no, if it's okay, I'm just -- I'm gonna stand.
不，这可不行 No, it's not okay.
请劳勃克拉布到办公室 I need rob crabbe to the main office.
喔，哇，你很高兴我坐下来了吧 Oh, wow. Aren't you glad I took my seat?
当我念这首诗时，请注意 As I recite the poem out loud, listen for the repetition
出现的「不再重複」 of the word "nevermore."
加比呢？ Gabs?
哈 Huh.
...「我疲弱地低喃」 ..."while I pondered weak and
一种被遗忘的古雅 weary, over many a quaint and
好奇的 curious volume of forgotten
音量 lore"...
克拉布先生，很高兴认识你，年轻人 Mr. crabbe, good to meet you, young man.
我说实话，今天就像是从来没结束的恶梦 Not gonna lie. Today has been a never-ending cluster fuck.
嗯，我很遗憾听到 Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
但就我所知，每一件困难事件的背后充满阳光，每天都是恩赐 But as I've learned, in the light of some recent difficult events, each day is a gift.
是啊，你不能回收的恩赐 Yeah, it is a gift you can't return.
你的申请资料相当惊人 You have a very impressive application.
每件事情都被设计成寻求正确的回应 Everything on there was designed to solicit that exact response.
我被要求要进入这间学校 I have lived to get into this school.
你知道我甚至对于你问的每一个问题都设计了 You know I even have a set of perfectly scripted responses to virtually every question that
很完美的回答吗？ you could ever ask?
嗯，曾经，我很担心我可能超过我准备的 Hell, at one point, I was so nervous I might have even over-performed.
但现在不会了 But not now.
为什麽？为什麽现在不会了？ Why? Why not now?
喔，我可以跟你说，但你永远不会相信我 Oh, I could tell you, but you'd never believe me.
这是压力太大吗？因为我可以跟你说，你肯定能进入我们学校 Is it the pressure? Because I can tell you, you're a lock for our school.
还是女生的问题？ Is it a girl?
是女生吗？ Is it a girl?
我跟你说，永远有其他选择 I can tell you, there's gonna be others.
一定会有，而且那位真命天女，会向你现身... There will, and when the right one...Presents herself...
喔，天啊，我真的希望你这次不会哭 Oh, God. I was really hoping you wouldn't cry this time.
什麽？ What?
问题是，我以为我想要的事，例如 Here's the problem. There are certain things that I thought I wanted, like getting
进入乔治顿大学或是跟安琪拉上床，但是 in to Georgetown or fucking Angela yearwood, but then I
我明白我其实不想要这些事 realized I don't actually want any of those things.
嗯... Uh...
只是其他人想要我这麽做 Other people just want them for me.
你不该轻率的决定性爱 Having sex is nothing you should take lightly.
我知道，我今天就喷了七次 I've had, like, seven orgasms so far today.
天啊 Holy shit.
怎麽样？ How'd it go?
往好处想 Look on the bright side.
今晚你可以跟安琪拉上床 Tonight you get to have sex with Angela yearwood.
不 [ Sighing ] No.
最糟糕的就是，我不想 The worst part is I don't.
嘿，我以为你取消了 Hey. I thought you had to cancel.
我可以进去吗？我不太好 Can I come in? I'm not good.
我甚至根本没上到床，我只是喷了，然后 And I don't even get to actually have sex. I just orgasm prematurely and
我就回到我的床上 then I wake up back in my room.
然后我妈发现我湿了一裤子 And then my mom comes in to find me sitting on a massive wet spot.
你相信我吗？ Do you believe me?
只有你每天早上都喷湿一裤子的部分 Only the part about you waking up in a massive wet spot every morning.
加比，我知道这听起来很疯狂，但我认真的 Gabs, I know that this sounds fucking crazy, but I'm serious.
好吧，那我现在会说什麽？ Mmkay, what am I gonna say now?
我不知道，我还没做过这件事 I don't know. I -- I haven't done this part yet.
喔，好吧，所以你每天还是不一样 Oh, okay, so every day is not the same.
你可以做不同的事 You can do different things.
没错，但...无可避免地，我得喷一下 Yes, yes, but... inevitably, I have an orgasm.
好吧，好的，那很...好 Okay. All right. That's...Great.
你一定要相信我 You got to believe me.
我不相信，但，我现在很担心你 I don't, but, uh, I'm worried about you now, so...
你可以重新描述你的永不结束天吗？ Walk me through this never-ending day?
好吧，嗯... Okay, um...
嗯，我早上起来... Well, I wake up...
把床单丢.. Just...Throw the sheets in --
冠军的味道 smell of a champ--
劳勃 [ thud ] Rob!
海，各位 Hi, guys.
乳房X光检查 A mammogram.
不再重複 Nevermore.
Pongsaklek wonjongkam.
不 No.
我可以跟你坦白吗？ Can I confess something to you?
蹦蹦 Ka-boom.
这就是你的一天？ And that's all you can think of?
嗯，还有一次莎莉 Well, one time Sally levinson
踢我踢到喷出来，但结果一样 kicked an orgasm out of me, but those are the constants.
好吧 Right.
听著，嗯，现在很晚了，而我明天有考试 Look, it's, uh, it's getting late and I have a test tomorrow.
加比，拜託，好吗？ Gabs, come on, okay? Please?
拜託帮帮忙 Please help me.
听著，如果你要是再过一次，你得早点跟我说 Look, if you're just gonna live this day over again, you got to tell me earlier.
例如，第三节课 Like, third period.
然后你又不相信我 And have you not believe me again?
好吧，听著，如果你要我相信你... Okay, look. Just, if you want me to believe you...
你跟我讲你的故事时 When you tell me your story,
你就说我梦过跟林肯 just mention the Abraham Lincoln
的春梦，这样我就会相信你 sex fantasy and I will believe you.
噁心，你曾经做过跟林肯的春梦？ Ew. You have an Abraham Lincoln sex fantasy?
我曾经梦到他... I had a dream where he...
解放我的G点 Emancipated my g-spot.
难以忘怀的经验 It was unforgettable.
喔，天啊 Oh, my God.
好吧，你要不要我帮忙 Okay, do you want my help or not?
算了吧 Just forget it.
我们还有另一个选择 We do have one other option.
我们可以去跟我所知最聪明的人谈 We can talk to the smartest person I know.
所以你们过来找我帮忙 You've come to me for help.
请原谅我先享受片刻 Pardon me while I savor this moment.
就跟你说这是烂主意 Told you this was a bad idea.
先等等 Just wait.
亚瑟，我们真的需要你帮忙 Arthur, we really need your help.
我很讚赏你们决定跟我谈这件事，我曾经有过 While I applaud your decision to discuss the matter with me, I have little experience with
精神方面疾病 mental illness.
还有，他是王八蛋 Also, he's a dick.
亚瑟
你没跟我说你朋友在这
我也不知道，是他们自己过来
奶奶不喜欢临时造访
- 但我还没... - 他们得离开
但...
不要跟我辩
冷静
有人受伤前把他们送出去
我很抱歉，各位，但我妈说得在我奶奶看见你们之前离开 I'm sorry, guys, but my mom says you have to leave before my Nana sees you.
为什麽？跟你奶奶有什麽关系？ Why? What's up with your Nana?
妈妈，不要 Mama, no!
啊， Aah! Mama!
怎麽回事？ What the fuck?!
妈妈，妈妈 Mama! Mama!
妈妈？ Mama?
她死了吗？ Is she dead?
啊啊啊 Aah!
喔，不 Oh, no!
喔，不，快弄走她 Oh, no! Get her off of me!
快弄走她 Get her off of me!
弄走她 Get her off!
弄...走...她 Get...Her...Off.
Jadoogar.
你要去哪？ Where are you going?
学校 School.
不能穿这样 Not like that.
没关系，我做过好几次了 It's okay. It get a do-over.
嘿，亚瑟 Hey, Arthur.
喔，嘿，劳勃，我今晚弄了啤酒 Oh, hey, rob. I got beer for tonight.
我有话跟你说 I need to talk to you.
我很忙 I'm pretty busy.
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
不，我不好 No. I'm not okay.
我卡在同一天，而且你永远想像不到 I'm stuck in the same day, and it's a fucking hell that you
但是一直发生 can't even fathom, and it just keeps happening.
我醒来，然后就一直发生怪事，然后 I wake up, life kicks the shit out of me, and then I have an
我射了，我又重複同一天，我知道这听起来很怪， orgasm, and then I live the same day all over again, and I know that that sounds crazy, but it's
但这是事实，现在我要你他妈解释给我听 true, and I think that this little fucker can explain it to me.
哇，我从来没看过中年危机 Wow, I've never seen a midlife crisis before.
他才17岁 He's 17.
我一直以为他会英年早逝。吸毒或是发生空难 I always saw him going young. Drugs or a plane crash.
总之，希望可以顺利，劳勃 Anyway, hope it works out, rob.
哇，哇，好吧 Whoa, whoa, okay.
小心 Watch it.
这件衣服很精緻的 These fibers are delicate.
好吧，他才五年级 All right, so, he's, like, 5.
嘿，不 Hey, no!
给我回来，给我回来，你这小浑蛋 Get back here! Get back here, you little shit!
亚瑟 Arthur!
喔，不，喔 Oh, no. Oh.
他在裡面，我给你两分钟，但不要太残忍 He's in there. I'll give you two minutes, but make it rough on him.
我要「马桶盖盖蛋蛋」那种程度 I'm talking "slamming balls on the toilet seat" rough.
嘿，哇，哇，嗯，维修中，往前走 Hey, whoa, whoa. Uh, maintenance. Keep it moving.
但我很紧急 But it's an emergency.
我要杀了你 I'll fucking kill you.
不要这样，裡面有大便，我闻得出来 Please stop! Someone just pooped in here! I can smell it!
jadoogar是什麽意思？ What does a "jadoogar" mean?
等等，什麽？ Wait, what?
jadoogar是什麽意思？ What does "jadoogar" mean?!
「诅咒」！我想意思是「诅咒」 "Curse"! I think it means "curse"!
什麽样的诅咒？ What kind of curse?!
就像厄运 Like a jinx!
我要怎麽去掉？ How do I get rid of one?!
我怎麽知道？ How should I know?!
因为你奶奶在我身上下咒 Because your grandma put it on me!
这怎麽可能，我奶奶根本不认识你 That's crazy! My Nana doesn't even know who you are!
你奶奶在我身上下咒 Your Nana put a fucking jadoogar on me!
不要再这样了，我可以感觉到我口内的疮都破了 Please don't dunk me again. I can feel sores opening up on my lips and in my mouth.
给你 Here.
如果我有小刀，我会捅破你的喉咙 If I had a knife, I'd stab you in the fucking throat.
你有检查语音信吗？ - 你还好吗？ Have you checked your voicemail? - Are you okay?
你怪怪的 - 最棒的就是.. You're acting kind of weird. - The most amazing thing...
我被诅咒了 I'm cursed.
那个第一代浑球刚跟我说我被诅咒了，而这该死的 That first-generation asshole just told me that I'm cursed and that this fucking shit-storm of
一天会一直重複 a day is just going to keep repeating.
你知道哪裡好笑吗？你做了个跟林肯的 You know what's ridiculous? Is wanting to have sexual intercourse with
春梦 Abraham Lincoln.
因为我经历过今天的每一分每一秒 Because I've been through every nook and cranny today has to offer.
你跟我说过，昨天晚上九点 You told me to say it, at 9:00 tonight yesterday.
之后我喷在亚瑟妈妈的大奶上，然后 And then I blew a load on Arthur's mom's ample chest, and
我醒过来又重新一次 then I woke up back where I started.
不管怎样，听著，今天早上... Whatever, dude. Listen, this morning --
丽莎是射精大师，根本没人在乎这件事 Lisa's a jizz jedi. Nobody cares right now.
这个诅咒听起来并没有很严重 Not like a curse is such a big deal.
如果不严重，那替我解决啊 Well, if it's not, then solve it for me.
好吧，这很简单 Okay, it's pretty simple.
这个诅咒是上天要你把做错的事修正 A curse is the universe trying to make you right a cosmic wrong.
你必须搞清楚怎麽会有诅咒然后解决它 You have to figure out what made the curse start and fix it.
你怎麽知道？ And how do you know that?
当然啊，贝比鲁斯魔咒 Duh -- the curse of the bambino.
由于某些神秘的影响力，波士顿红袜队 By some sort of divine intervention, the Boston Red Sox
得到了贝比鲁斯，然后他们把他交易到洋基队 got babe Ruth, and they traded him to the Yankees.
为了打破魔咒，它们得打败洋基队 To break the curse, they had to beat the yanks.
最后花了八十年，最后还是解决了 It took them over 80 fucking years, but they fixed it.
上天很残酷的 The universe is a cruel bitch.
你知道吗？史丹利，你可以 You know, Stanley, you can
每隔一段时间就说「不知道」 always say, "I don't know" every once in awhile.
你不需要每次都唬烂 You don't always have to bullshit every time there's a pause in the conversation.
喔，那好，如果你有更好的主意，为什麽你会卡在同一天？ Oh, well, if you have a better idea, why are you still stuck in the same fucking day?
诅咒烂透了，现在跟我道歉然后 Curses are bullshit. Now say sorry and go conquer
克服无法克服的东西 that which has been unconquerable.
安琪拉 Angela.
我得走了 I got to go.
嘿 Hey!
老兄，我还在等你道歉 Dude, I'm still waiting for the apology.
孩子们，明天我会找人代课 Kids, tomorrow I'm going to be out with a substitute and
后天我会回来说我乳房X光检查的故事 the next day I'm gonna have a big story to tell you all about my mammogram.
嗯，马可妮老师 Uh, miss marconi.
安琪拉需要去办公室 Angela's wanted down at the main office.
你有通行证吗？ Do you have a pass?
没有 No.
那她不能跟你去 Then she can't go with you.
嗯，好吧 Uh, fine.
安琪拉，今晚，我要去你家，不是课辅 Angela, tonight. I am coming over and not for tutoring.
劳勃 Rob.
什麽？ What?
拼字比赛 Spelling bee.
真的吗？拼字比赛？ Seriously? Spelling bee?
你没问题吗？ You okay with that?
当然 Sure.
你们可以继续上课了 You may continue your class now.
好吧，我要你教我如何在床上取悦女人 Okay, I need you to tell me everything you know about pleasing a woman.
老天爷 Jesus.
他就像性爱的比尔贝利奇克(美式足球教练) He's like the bill belichick of lady parts.
答应我你不会看 Promise me you won't watch.
我不能答应 I can make no such promises.
噢，王八蛋 Aw, motherfucker!
你怎麽会突然这样？ What made you do this?
你知道，我一直想要做这件事很久了 You know, I wanted to for, like, the longest time, and it
感觉就像你终于注意到我，懂吗？ felt like you were finally starting to notice me, you know?
就像，也许上天要我们这麽做 Like, maybe the universe wanted this to happen.
这真的很棒，通常我都跟年纪大的人 This is really nice. Usually I'm with older guys, so...
嗯，我更浪漫，比较没有体毛 Yeah, well, I am more romance, less body hair, so...
你知道怎样更开心吗？ You know what could be really fun?
我们不要念书直接做爱 If we stopped studying altogether and just did this.
好哇 [ Laughing ] Okay.
这样，我是说，你只要跟我做爱 That way, I mean, you just have to, like, hook me up with
然后替我作弊跟帮我写报告 cheat sheets and write my papers for me.
但我是家教欸 But I tutor you.
但这样不是更好吗？ Yeah, but isn't this better?
我是说，我们可以在家教时做爱，然后 I mean, we can fun during our study sessions, and then you can
你可以回家替我写作业 go home and do my work after.
好吧，但，你从来没在我身边装酷 Okay, but...You don't ever have to act cool around me.
我以为这是你喜欢我的原因，我让你感到自在 I thought that's why you like me, that and I make you feel safe.
我从来没说过这种话 I never said that.
你说的对，嗯，听著，安琪拉，你的确 You are right. Um... Look, Angela, you are obviously
非常，非常的正，但你知道吗？ very, very hot, but, you know what?
我们永远不可能 This never works out.
我是说，我已经试图跟你做爱六次，我受够了 I mean, I have tried to have sex with you like six times, and I'm done.
我是说，我不知道我应该怎麽做，但绝对不是做爱 I mean, I don't know where I'm supposed to be, but it is definitely not here.
还有我很抱歉...白金芬黛？ And I'm sorry -- white zinfandel?
你几岁了，45了吗？ What are you? Like, 45?
好吧，那你可以滚了 Okay, then you can get the fuck out of here.
当然 Will do.
死家伙，白金芬黛最好喝了 Dick. [ Scoffs ] White zin's delish.
还真快啊 That was quick.
去死吧你 Go fuck yourself.
我跟招生处的朋友谈过了 I talked to my buddies in admissions.
你以为我不知道你搞砸面试了吗？ You don't think I would have found out that you blew off the interview?
我去加布丽尔那裡找你 I went to Gabrielle's to tear you away from the spelling bee.
她跟我说你去「婊子」那裡，她说的 She told me you went over to "what's-her- slut's" -- her words.
爸，今天真的很漫长 Dad, it has been a really long day.
喔 Oh.
还没结束，给你 It's not over yet. Here.
拿去吧 Put this on.
他到了 There he is.
喔，天啊，好吧，准备展开战斗 Oh, Jesus. Okay. Get your game face on.
杰克罗斯？ Jack roth?
嗯？ Yeah?
我叫吉姆克拉布，这是我儿子，劳勃 I'm Jim crabbe. This is my son, rob.
我们之前在电话上谈过 We talked on the phone before.
对 Right.
坐吧 Have a seat.
很好 Great.
感谢你离开前见我们 Thanks for seeing us before you left town.
吉姆，你可以拿些威士忌吗？ Jim, could you go get us some scotch?
多拿几杯？这裡的服务很差 Couple scotches? Service here is shit.
喔，当然，好吧 Oh, sure. Okay.
嗯，你想喝什麽？ Um...What'll you have?
杜瓦牌的，加冰和柠檬皮，我要两份 Dewar's on the rocks with a twist. Make it a double.
你爸真的很想让你上乔治镇大学 Your dad really wants you to go to Georgetown.
嗯 Yeah.
你想吗？ Do you?
你现在在想什麽？ What's going through your mind right now?
我等不及今天结束 Just that I can't wait for this day to be over.
我跟你一样 You and me both.
我的猫大便在猫沙盒外 My cat shits outside of the box.
不是走廊或是地下室或是我的床上，就在猫沙盒外 Not down the hall or in the basement or in my bed, just right outside of the box.
简直就是瞧不起我 It's a big "fuck you."
嗯，怎麽会这样？ Yeah, what's up with that?
我老婆几个月前过世 My wife passed away a few months ago.
而那头猫非常爱她 And the cat really loved her.
牠希望我死而不是她，这就是那头猫的意思 He wishes I had died instead of her. That's what he's saying.
你有没有想过也许，你的猫只是个浑蛋？ Have you considered that maybe...Your cat's just an asshole?
牠的确是个浑蛋 He is an asshole.
谢谢你 Thank you.
来吧 There we go. [ Chuckles ]
吉姆，我刚在问你儿子为什麽想要去乔治镇大学，但是 Jim, I was just asking your son why he wants to go to Georgetown, but I would like to
我比较想问你，为什麽你要他去乔治镇？ hear it from you. Why do you want him to go to Georgetown?
嗯，我去了之后让我的人生彻底改变 Well, my going there was the transformative experience of my life.
而你只是假设对你最好的经验也是最他最好的？ And you just assume that what was best for you is also the best for him?
让我这样说吧 Let me put it this way.
我曾经也有选择，乔治镇大学或是耶鲁大学 I had a choice. It was either Georgetown or Yale.
为什麽你选择乔治镇 Why did you choose Georgetown?
其实...我没有选 I actually -- I didn't choose it.
乔治镇大学给我奖学金 Georgetown gave me a scholarship.
有时候上天在你快做错误决定时帮你一把 Sometimes the universe has a way of helping when you're about to make a mistake.
你是今晚的风云人物 You're on fire tonight.
嗯，我去拿酒，我去拿 Yeah. I'll get them. I'll get them.
好吧 Okay.
是法文吗？ Is it French?
是 Yes.
我可以知道意思吗？ (梦娜，13岁) Can I have the definition, please?
「确定或是预定」 "To determine or appoint beforehand."
可以造个句子吗？ Can you use it in a sentence, please?
我们的生活是天注定或是 It is debated whether the events of our lives are
大脑中的产物很值得讨论 foreordained or the product of our own brain."
我不想去乔治镇大学 I don't want to go to Georgetown.
但是... But all --
不要反应 don't...React.
只要感受 Just feel.
也许我想去，也许不想 Maybe I want to go. Maybe not.
不管怎样我会去好学校，但是 I'll go to a good school no matter what, but...
我现在唯一知道的事就是我喜欢加布丽尔 The only thing I know right now is that I really like Gabrielle.
嗯，非常喜欢，然后... [ Chuckles ] Like, a lot, and, uh...
每一次今天重複的时候，我都搞砸了 Every time today plays out, I fuck it up.
我这次绝不能搞砸 And I'm not gonna let it happen again.
加布丽尔就是我的乔治顿 Gabrielle is my Georgetown.
我不知道那什麽意思，但我支持你 I have no idea what that means, but I support you.
一切都没问题的 It's gonna be okay.
我可以拿回我的头带吗？ Can I have my headband back?
好 Yeah.
看起来你比较适合 Looks better on you.
谢谢你，杰克 [ Chuckles ] Thanks, Jack.
我们去找那个女孩吧 Let's go get that fucking girl!
好哇 Okeydoke.
耶 Yeah.
上来吧 Get in!
你可以开车吗？ Can you drive?
当然 Sure.
我们要不要买薯条？ Why don't we get some fries, too?
好吧，我该怎麽做？ Okay, so what do I do?
太晚了不能按门铃 Well, it's too late to knock.
哪一扇才是她的窗户？ Which one is her window?
灯还在闪 The light's still flickering.
好吧 Okay.
太好了 Yes!
在你最黑暗的时刻，何不在沙滩上 During your darkest time, why was there only one set of
留下足迹？ footprints in the sand?
什麽？ - 因为我支持你，兄弟 What? Because I carried you, brother.
上去吧 Get over here.
我们要怎麽做？ What are we doing?
要有人推你一把 You're gonna need a boost.
你在做什麽？ What are you doing?
我有话跟你说 I need to talk to you.
我没跟安琪拉上床 I didn't have sex with Angela.
N-O N-o...
有，你并没有跟学校公车上床，真是大英雄 Yeah. You didn't bang the school slut. What a hero.
滚出我的房间 Get the fuck out of my room.
加布，拜託 Gabs, come on.
不要这样 Stop it, okay?
真的吗？ Really?
我买给你一个新的，听我说 I'll buy you a new one. Just...Listen, okay?
我早上醒来的时候，我期待今晚在这 When I woke up this morning, I expected to be here tonight.
我是说，我无法想像我没做过的事，但我却忽略这件事 I mean, I couldn't imagine a scenario where I wouldn't have been, but I lost sight of that.
但我现在在这，不管有没有诅咒 But I'm here now, curse or no curse.
劳勃！ Rob!
情况如何？ How's it going up there?
那是谁啊？ Who's that?
乔治镇大学的面试官 That is my Georgetown interviewer.
劳勃，情况怎样？女孩呢？ Rob, how's it going?! With the girl?!
他们在做什麽？ What are they doing here?
我们在饭店喝了点酒，说了很多话 We had a drink at the hotel. Shit got deep.
先听我说，好吗？ Just listen, okay?
我以为我喜欢安琪拉 I thought that I had feelings for Angela.
劳勃，离开 Rob, leave.
嗯，让我说完，安琪拉不是 Well, just let me finish. Angela isn't --
唉，这跟安琪拉无关 ugh! This isn't about Angela!
只是....滚出去 Just...Get out.
我不会离开 I'm not going anywhere.
好吧，算了 Okay. Fine.
我可以结束你，我只要把你弄离开 I can end this. I just have to finish you off.
这样你就可以离开我房间而你过你的生活 Then you're out of my room and you're back in yours.
好吗？ Okay?
什麽？ What?
快点，来吧 Let's go. Come on.
哇，不要，不要这样 Whoa! Don't...Do that.
嘿，哇，等等 Hey, whoa! Hold on!
很快就结束了 It'll be over really fast.
加比，不要这样 Gabs, seriously, stop!
不要碰我 Don't touch me!
这又不会痛 'Cause that's not hurtful.
如果你听....加布丽尔，你在做什麽？ Well, if you would just -- Gabrielle, what are you doing?!
把裤子脱下我就可以安静了 Take off your pants so I can be alone!
加布丽尔 Gabrielle! [ Door opens ]
喔，该死 Oh, shit.
海，爸 Hi, dad.
喔，感谢你，伯父 Oh, thank God, sir.
请不要走，因为你女儿 Please don't leave, because your daughter -- [ Scoffs ]
她想要对我做坏事，还有，我只想跟 She was trying to take advantage of me, and, uh...I just want to
你保证我绝对不想对她动手动脚 assure you that I do not wish to do anything physical with or to her.
现在 [ Chuckles ] Right now.
如果你可以把衣服穿上我比较愉快，女儿 I'd feel a lot better about this if you put your shirt back on...Dear.
嗯，当然，给你吧 Yeah. Sure. Here you go.
嗯，听我说，我很快就走，如果这是你想要的，但.. So... look, I'll leave, if that's what you want, but...
我只想跟你说，失去你我不知道该怎麽办 I just want to say, um... I don't know what I'd do without you.
我意思是，你就像我每天的存在意义 I mean, you're, like, the only way that I can get through the day.
每天晚上睡觉前我都会看你是否传讯给我 Every night before I go to sleep, I check to see if you texted me.
我是说，你跟我说不要穿黑裤配白袜子 I mean, you were the one who t old me to stop wearing white socks with black pants.
这样很难看 It's not a good look.
你在第三节课给我葡萄乾让我的血糖不会下降 You give me raisins in third period so my blood sugar doesn't go low.
你的饮食不正常啊 You don't eat properly.
你在我的手机下载霍尔与奥兹的歌 You download hall and oates songs onto my phone.
一开始只是开玩笑，现在我真的很喜欢 That started as a joke, but now I like them.
我也是 [ Laughs ] Me too.
我爱霍尔与奥兹 I love h&o.
听著，今天我过得很糟，加布丽尔，每一次都一样，但 Look, today has been terrible, Gabrielle, each version of it, but it's been
很值得，因为今天我终于知道我多喜欢你 worth it because today's the day I finally realized how much I like you.
现在我只想要坐...离你远一点 And now all I want to do is just sit...Several feet away from
一起看拼字比赛 you and watch the spelling bee.
但很明显我破坏了一切，所以.. But I obviously ruined all that, so...
我要从我来的地方回去，然后希望可以再给我一次机会 I'm just going to leave the way I came in and hope I get another shot.
喔，该死 Oh, shit.
所以，你也到这个年纪了 So, um... you're at that age.
你开始对他人有感觉 You're gonna start having feelings.
爸，我比较想跟妈谈 Dad, I'd really be more comfortable talking to mom about this.
很好，她等等就回家 Great. She'll be home later.
好 Okay.
直接跳下来 Okay, just go -- go ahead and jump.
但你要抱膝和滚动 Yeah, but you're gonna want to tuck and roll when you hit.
骨折比扭伤好的快 Go for a break, not a sprain. Heals faster.
真令人欣慰，好吧，三、 That's reassuring. Okay, three...
二、 Two...
你想要看剩下的拼字比赛吗？ You want to watch the rest of the spelling bee?
好哇 Yeah.
你可以先帮我拉上去吗？ Can you help me up now, please?
当然，我会 Yeah. Yes. I can.
谢谢 Thank you.
哈哈哈 [ Both laugh ]
我怎麽跟你说的 What did I tell you?
哈哈 [ Laughs ]
爱情很生动 Love is alive!
可以造句吗？ Use it in a sentence?
这家伙看起来年纪很小 This one looks young.
嗯，这是他第一次参加... Yeah, yeah. It's his first bee, so...
这是源自于法文吗？ Is the language of origin French?
原产地，真好的拖延之词 Origin. That is a great stall.
他不知道怎麽拼 Don't spell it till you know it.
喔，他快崩溃了 Oh, no. He's imploding.
你听的到吗？ Can you hear me?
喔，天啊，我看不下去了 Oh, God. I can't watch.
喔，不要这麽胆小，来吧 Oh, don't be such a pussy. Come on.
嗯，不，我看不下去 Mnh-mnh. Nope. I'm not gonna watch it.
快啊，不要这麽，喔，哇 Come on! Don't be s-- oh, wow!
喔，好吧，你知道吗？ 这真的很糟 No, okay, you know what? [ Laughing ] That's really bad.
很不幸，你的时间 Unfortunately, you've gone
已经结束 over your allotted time.
你得离开台上 You must leave the stage.
他妈妈在哪裡？ Does anyone know where his mother is?
我们一认识我就喜欢你 I've liked you since we first met.
我口齿不清的时候？ When I had my lisp?
没错 [ Lisping ] Yes.
我本来今晚要跟你告白，但我希望啤酒 I was gonna tell you tonight, and then I was hoping that the
可以壮胆又不会让我打嗝 beer would help and not make me burp.
我一直希望我们是彼此的第一次 I was always hoping we'd be each other's firsts.
我也是 Me too.
你觉得他们现在在干嘛？ What do you think's going on in there?
我想...感觉怪怪的 I think... it feels kind of weird.
嘘，你听到了吗？ Shush. Do you hear that?
有点尴尬 This feels awkward.
我觉得，不可思议的愉快 I feel -- I feel unusually comfortable.
好了 [ Laughing ] Okay.
我们要开始了吗？ Should we?
没错 Yes.
我是说，现在？ I mean, like, now?
好了，但你要知道我还没有... Okay, but you should know I haven't had the best luck with --
劳勃，试著放轻鬆 rob, just try and relax.
喔，喔，不，喔，天啊 Oh. Oh, no. Oh, God.
我，我很抱歉，我... I -- I'm sorry. I'm --
劳勃？怎麽了？ Rob? What happened?
我是说，除了我们在床上这件事 I mean, besides the obvious.
我不在我的床上 I'm not in my bed.
我在你的床上 I'm in your bed.
我妈也不在 And my mom's not here.
你需要葡萄乾吗？ Do you need raisins?
不，我不需要 No. I don't need anything.
我在我该在的地方 I am right where I'm supposed to be.
你知道吗？ You know what?
什麽？ What?
我们应该早点这麽做 We should have done something like this sooner.
我一直都很想 I've always wanted to.
我们再来一次 Let's try it again.
[ Grouplove 的 "tongue tied" ]
正确答案 That is a wrap!
冠军出现了 We have a champion!
耶 Yay!
带我去你朋友家 Take me to your best friend's house
穿过这层迷宫 goin' 'round this roundabout
喔，耶 oh, yeah
带我去你朋友家 take me to your best friend's house
我那时爱你，我现在爱你 I loved you then, I love you now
喔，耶 oh, yeah
不要舌头打结 don't take me tongue tied
为什麽你想去乔治镇大学？ so, why do you want to go to Georgetown?
乔治是谁？ George who?
真聪明，又漂亮 Smart. Beautiful.
你绝对是乔治镇所需的人 You're exactly what Georgetown needs.
你结婚了吗？ Are you married?
不，不再是 No. Not anymore.
我老婆死了 My wife is dead.
平常我们在亲热 Normally we're making out
喔， 耶 oh, yeah
喔，带我去你朋友家 oh, take me to your best friend's house
她用鞋子踢我的男性部位 she curb-stomped my genitals. With her shoes.
你应该揍她的阴部 You should have punched her in the pussy.
哈哈 [ Laughs ]
用力 Harder!
快上 Do it!
抓她的奶 Give her a tit bruise!
把她的奶挤出来 Squeeze her tit until milk comes out!
海，爸爸 [ High-pitched ] Hi, daddy.
该死 [ Normal voice ] Fucking --
哈哈 [ laughter ]
不，我可以 No, I can do this.
海，爸爸 [ High-pitched ] Hi, daddy.
欢迎到我的小穴花园 Welcome to my pu pu platter.
哈哈 [ Laughter ]
干 Fuck.
我什麽都会做，任何事 I'll do anything. Anything.
把我的手指插到屁眼 Put my finger in my butt and
让我放屁 make me pump it.
我可以替你打手枪 I help you jerk off.
让你射精 I make you explode.
我们可以玩狗爬式 Do me doggie style and then
我们再吃狗 we can eat dog.
哈哈 [ Laughter ]
我光是今天就 I've had, like, seven orgasms
射了七次 so far today.
七次？ Seven?
比我还多三次 That's three more than me.
七次？ Seven?
你一定得来乔治镇大学 You have to come to Georgetown.
你可以赚很多钱 You can make a lot of money,
年轻人 young man.
这就是...哇 [ Laughing ] That is so -- wow.
哈哈 [ Laughter ]
这样可以吗？ Is that selling it?
啊啊啊啊 [ Both gasping ]
哈哈哈 [ Both laugh ]
喔，耶 Oh, yeah
带我去你朋友 take me to your best friend's
家 house
我那时爱你 I loved you then,
我现在爱你 I love you now
不要舌头打结 don't leave me tongue tied
不要说再见 don't wave no goodbyes
不要舌头打结 don't leave me tongue tied
不要 do-o-o-o-n't
不要舌头打结 don't leave me tongue tied
不要说再见 don't wave no goodbye
不要舌头打结 don't leave me tongue tied
不要 do-o-o-o-n't
一人字幕组 2015.02.08 pm 21:44